Bittersweet

The passed 18 days have been difficult, rewarding, challenging, tender, frustrating, full, and much more.  These boys have had challenges in their lives and their behaviors show that.  Mixing their issues with our family has been a challenge.  There have been fights and arguments, attitudes and eye rolls, but there have also been unexpected hugs, smiles, and lots of squishy hand holding.  I will miss these boys.  They have taught me much in 18 days.

Tomorrow the boys go to stay with an Aunt.  Family is always the best placement.  I hope that she will let us be involved in their lives.  I told the boys last night that we would be friends forever.  I hope that is true.  We will tell them tonight that they are moving.  I don't know what to expect.  I hope it goes well.

A very good friend said it best..."It will be difficult for them to leave, but impossible for them to stay."

Day 12

Monday, January 14th I received a call at 11:00am.  Turns out the boys were placed in a relative placement for the weekend while DCFS completed their investigation.  Monday the investigator felt that she had enough evidence to remove the boys from the home.  The relative didn't feel that they could provide a home long term, so the caseworker called me and asked me if I could pick the boys up today.  The caseworker said she didn't know a lot about the boys but knew that they were "really sweet boys".  I asked my questions...were there special needs, what was the reason for removal, had they been in placement before...

This was it.
This was THE CALL.
This is what I had been waiting for.

I talked to my boss, made a few arrangements and was out of my office in about 20 minutes.  I wasn't sure what time I needed to meet the investigator so I went home to try and figure out where I was going to put 3 boys.  I had a set of bunk beds in Drew's room and two beds in Khloe's room that were white wooden twin beds.  I moved the white sleigh bed into Drew's room and put the fire truck quilt on it and it worked just fine.

They called around two and said to head to the hospital to meet the investigator and the Healthworks agent and pick up the boys.  My heart was beating so fast!  I prayed and prayed on my 20 minute drive.  I prayed God's blessing over this decision, I prayed His comfort for the boys, I prayed peace and strength for me and Rich, I prayed for acceptance for my kids, I prayed that I would be His tool and His light.  Once I pulled into the ER I could see them through the window and my heart beat faster.

What do I say?  God I hope I can smile without shaking. What questions am I supposed to ask?  What if I forget their names?  How will they act? 

As I came in I saw a very angry boy sitting in a corner chair with red rimmed eyes and a small boy with buzzed hair bouncing around the room drinking a diet Mt. Dew.  The investigator introduced me, the older boy refused to look at me or talk to me.  They quickly went over health information and put the boys in my SUV and I was driving down the interstate 20 minutes later.

Soon I was picking my kids up from school with two extra little guys in the back seat!  What a surprise for my kids!

It has been 12 days.  Rewarding, challenging, exhausting, trying, full days.  There was a lot of information that was not disclosed to us prior to the placement.  The oldest has a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder and has presented with many challenges.  He requires constant supervision and a very strict schedule to avoid meltdowns or outbursts of anger.  The agency is looking into possible relative placement.

Isn't he precious?

Going from 3 to 5 kids overnight has had challenges but has also forced us to be much more scheduled.  We are in full swing of basketball, volleyball, cheerleading and play right now so we are VERY busy.  So far, busy has been good for the kids.  The boys like to pay video games and would do it 100% of the time if we would let them.  We don't pay a lot of video games in our house, so that has been a challenge as well.

My new normal

We will know today if the boys are staying with us or going to live with a relative.  I have been praying and praying that God's will will be done and that the decision the agency reaches will be the best for the boys.  We hope to stay involved in their lives and provide support & respite to the relative if they do decide to move them.  I would love it if you would pray along with us.

No Go...take 5

The case worker called and said that the investigator was in the home and they created a safety plan and the children would remain in the home.  I'm not sure I want to know what a safety plan is.

It's a good thing that the state is working with families to keep the kids with their parents.  Kids with their parents is usually the best for all involved.

It works out.  I wasn't sure where I would put three boys anyway.

Another call

We got a call for 5 year old and 10 year old boys today.  Licensing worked asked if we could take placement today.  I said yes, depending on some background.  She said the investigator was on her way to the house and that the case worker would call me with more information if a home was needed.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Can you even believe it is 2013??  I know I can't!  It seems like November was a blur and I did my best to soak up every moment of December!  When I look at pictures from 2012 they seem like they were years ago.  So much has changed in our family this year.

That picture seems like it was years ago and it was just April 2012!

And this picture...was taken in June when we went to pick Khloe up from a 10 day stay in Florida with a friend.  It was only 7 month ago that I saw the ocean, or could afford to buy airline tickets for Rich & I to go pick up Khloe in Florida.  It seems like so long ago.  Our lives have changed so much in the passed 6 months.

Christmas was beautiful.  There was no trip this year, but I made an extra effort to soak it all in and cherish each moment.

We are missing our time with Miss Bella.  she has been spending more time at home, which is a good thing, but we miss her so much!

This was an awesome day!  We took a whole morning and just made cookies!  Love the memories!



These were some of my favorite shots from our Christmas card.

It was good. 

I can't help but wonder what God has in His plan for me in 2013.  I'm certainly not where I thought I would be.  I thought that we would have foster kids.  I never dreamed we would still have an empty rental house that is eating away our finances.  I couldn't have imagined that Rich would be working close to home and coming home every night after work.  I didn't anticipate a diagnosis of ADHD in my son and all the challenges that would bring.

As I look into 2013 I have some goals.  Not resolutions, simply things that I want to achieve in 2013.  I want to keep my house clean.  I love FlyLady!  I tried her system a while back and I just wasn't ready to commit.  After our large renovations in 2012 I have gotten rid of a lot of clutter and feel I can do better this time around.  I have been diligent at shining my sink and did a superb job on Saturday!

Blogger is having some problems with their uploads, sorry so blurry.

I want to try to slow down.  Not run as much.  Not always have 100 places to be.  I want to be more intentional about the time I spend with my kids.  More intentional in my prayers for them.

Things on the foster care front are just weird.  I called our licensing worker last week to schedule our 60 day monitoring visit and she randomly said she was going to call me about a placement.  It seems the only time she is going to call me about a placement is when I rattle her cage and call her and remind her that I am still here with three empty beds.  According to her some family stepped forward and they ended up not needing placement.  Imagine that.  Another here are kids that need a home...oh nevermind.  She said that we were the only home that they currently had that could take a placement for three kids.  That spurred some discussion between Rich and I this weekend.  We are technically licensed for three kids, but when we said we would take three it was meant for the extreme case of siblings that would be placed together.  I have a call into the agency to speak with them about the specifics of our placement status.  I think we are going to update them on what currently works for our family and if we don't have a placement by the end of this month then we will change agencies.  I think we have given this agency plenty of opportunity.

For today, I will enjoy my kids and my day to day.  I have very busy week of basket ball, cheerleading, volley ball and a few dinners with girlfriends.  For today, I will enjoy my life to the fullest.