A house full of children

I would like a house full of children. Perhaps this many children may be a few to many, but oh what fun it would be!!

We had the privilege of babysitting Lana on Saturday and we all had so much fun! It was great to have a toddler in the house again! The kids were so good with her, always right there to help out! Just makes me want to give them a sibling that much more! On Sunday, I held Nevaeh, a brand new baby girl. I cried. I couldn’t help it, she was so beautiful and so small and so perfect! I was so embarrassed, but I cried. I feel so guilty that in my joy for others, my sadness seeps in. It doesn’t seem to matter what the situation, the sight of a new baby breaks my heart in two. I hate that! Will that ever go away?

We will be heading to Chicago this weekend for some BDing! Rich is working up there and he has to be there all weekend. I should ovulate somewhere between Friday and Monday, so we will be heading north!

I have an appointment on the 22nd to have my progesterone level drawn, I should have those results on the 23rd. I should know by the first of February if I am pregnant, and if I am not, I will see my OB in early February to discuss where to go from here.

January marks the 48th cycle of trying to conceive a child. 48 two week waits, 48 months of that dream month after month… will this be the month? 48 heartbreaks, 48 devastations when the answer is no. Countless OPKs, countless HPTs, countless one lines, countless prayers sent to God from countless friends. Countless prayers sent to God by a mother that thanks him enormously for the blessing that my three children have been, and that request for one more… one more miracle God, just one more miracle. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippiams 6:6,7 When will my peace come?