It is Well

Sorry I have been MIA. My computer at home is not working. HPV was negative. YAY! I guess the protocol for follow up is to repeat the pap in a year.

So what is next?... Nothing. Nothing is next. Isn’t that odd? No plans, no doctors appointments scheduled… nothing. We have decided that the GIFT procedure is not for us. So I am on my first cycle drug free in quite some time. My body is a bit confused and I wonder how long it will take to regulate my cycles again.

I have thought about my key verse. I have thought about what my answer is. I have been “Waiting For His Glory to be Revealed”. So now what does that mean. I have been thinking about that, and I will do an entry about what I think that means and what the answers are that I have found along this journey. I am working on that entry in my mind, there are still some questions to be answered. I will post my thoughts soon.

We closed our worship service on Sunday with communion. The song that was played during the communion time was “It is Well”. I had always said that if we ever did get pregnant I would announce it to the church and we would sing the song “Glory”.

Glory, glory in the highest,
Glory, to the Almighty,
Glory to the Lamb of God,
And glory to the Living Word,
Glory to the Lamb.
I give glory (glory),
Glory (glory) glory,
Glory to the Lamb,
I give glory (glory),
Glory (glory) glory,

Glory to the Lamb,

I give glory to the Lamb.

And if I never got pregnant, I was hoping that I would be able to sing “It is Well”. I didn’t sing it on Sunday, but I felt that it was a message from God. A sweet song that spoke to my heart and I believe that He sent it just for me.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot,

Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well,

with my soul,

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet,

though trials should come,

Let this blessed assurance control,

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,

And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well,

with my soul,

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross,

and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well,

with my soul,

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

The trump shall resound,

and the Lord shall descend,

Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well,

with my soul,

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

No News

No news yet. I am still waiting on the HPV test results. I called yesterday and they said it should be today around 1 or 2:00. It was kinda funny because when I called I said that I was wanting to get my HPV results and the lady that answered the call said "You need your HCG results?" I thought how odd it was that I have called so many times for HCG results, but now I am wanting a HPV test back. funny how life unfolds.

I am feeling a bit better about all of this. I really think that all is going to be ok. The nurse from the clinic in Chicago had me all worked up, but my local GYN thinks that it is going to be fine and she was not upset about it at all. The Chicago office was talking biopsies, how far "advanced" "it" was, etc. and the GYN's office locally said they would just repeat in 3 months if the HPV is + and repeat in a year if it was -.

I will update with results. Thanks for the prayers.

Not Good News

I have to share a secret…

Rich and I went to Chicago last week to talk with a doctor about the GIFT procedure. After much conversation, we felt that this last step was something that we should at least look into. We went for the appointment and talked with the doctor, met with the IVF/GIFT coordinator and Rich and I both had an exam. We liked the clinic a lot, but wanted some time to think about what we wanted to do. We were not sure if we would go ahead with the GIFT procedure or not.

Today I received a call from the clinic. I was fully expecting it to be the IVF/GIFT coordinator to discuss the plan. It was a nurse calling to tell me that I had an abnormal pap smear and I needed to schedule a biopsy. She said that no further infertility treatment could be done until there was further information about the abnormal cells that were found on my cervix.

I…am…terrified.

My mom had cervical cancer and had to have a hysterectomy when she was about my age. She found out through an abnormal pap when she was undergoing treatment for infertility. That is where my brain goes immediately. Is the same thing going to happen to me? Has God been telling me NO about having another child and I have not been listening and so now He is going to take my uterus from me to drive home his point?

I'm sure that Rich is terrified as well. He lost his mom to lymph node cancer that spread to her breast. He does not like the word cancer, especially when it is being talked about regarding his bride.

Please pray for me. Please pray for Rich. It has been a tough week. There are a few other things going on and I have a cold and we need your prayers.