BFN, again and again and again and again! I tested yesterday, so I knew, but it still sucks to hear it. A nurse called, she must have been new because she wasn’t Brenda or Karen that I usually talk to. She said, “Kari, hi, I just wanted to let you know that I have your beta back and it was negative.” I said that yes, I pretty much knew that. She said “oh I wish I could tell you that it was positive.” This is the stupidest thing anyone from that office has ever said to me. I said, “well yes, we have been wishing that we could hear that from you for 18 months now.” IDIOT!!! I didn’t say the idiot part, but I really wanted to.
So now we decide what is next. I am really really struggling with this decision. Rich is going to be home this weekend and we really need to talk things out. I have sought information/counsel from other Christian friends as well. I need more information, more opinions, because I just can’t hear God giving me the answers.
So now we decide what is next. I am really really struggling with this decision. Rich is going to be home this weekend and we really need to talk things out. I have sought information/counsel from other Christian friends as well. I need more information, more opinions, because I just can’t hear God giving me the answers.
4 comments:
Oh Kari, I am truly sorry. I know this really is disappointing and hurts so much. I am praying and am here for you, friend.
I never know what to say, I have never been through this and can't imagine what you are going through. It kills me to know you are hurting so bad and I can't do anything to help you to ease your pain to make it easier to make it go away. I just want to be a mother hen and hold you and say it will all be ok, but I know that won't help either. I don't want your heart to break month after month I want you to have your prayer answered, so I will continue to pray that HIS will be done and of course throw in there what MY will is for you!! :-)
You know I love you even if I don't know what to say and don't say the right things, I love you very much!!!
Kari, I also struggle with what to say. I know all you need is comfort and love right now. All the scriptures in the world would not help. I wish I could explain the Creator of the Universe, but sometimes He does not even explain Himself! All I know is the same thing you "know" deep down in your heart and that is He loves you (all of us) more than life - even or especially when it doesn't seem like it. I am speaking to myself as much to you because there are prayers I have prayed for so many years that I do not have an answer for yet - or at least not the answer I want. I too struggle with "why" and "what are You doing?" You know I love you too, and want so much for you to have the answer you seek. I will continue to pray for you - especially this weekend while you and Rich discuss your next step. I pray you will hear God's voice and KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt what HE wants you to do. Read and pray and listen. If taking a break for a few months is your decision, do not feel you have given up or failed! Even Jesus went away to rest when He was worn out. He says He cannot leave us so hang on to that truth. Let Him hold you in His arms and let your tears soak His garment. I love you and pray for God's blessings on you - in addition to the blessings He has already given you. Linda (Mom:))
I love you Kari.
Trish
Post a Comment