Bittersweet

The passed 18 days have been difficult, rewarding, challenging, tender, frustrating, full, and much more.  These boys have had challenges in their lives and their behaviors show that.  Mixing their issues with our family has been a challenge.  There have been fights and arguments, attitudes and eye rolls, but there have also been unexpected hugs, smiles, and lots of squishy hand holding.  I will miss these boys.  They have taught me much in 18 days.

Tomorrow the boys go to stay with an Aunt.  Family is always the best placement.  I hope that she will let us be involved in their lives.  I told the boys last night that we would be friends forever.  I hope that is true.  We will tell them tonight that they are moving.  I don't know what to expect.  I hope it goes well.

A very good friend said it best..."It will be difficult for them to leave, but impossible for them to stay."

Day 12

Monday, January 14th I received a call at 11:00am.  Turns out the boys were placed in a relative placement for the weekend while DCFS completed their investigation.  Monday the investigator felt that she had enough evidence to remove the boys from the home.  The relative didn't feel that they could provide a home long term, so the caseworker called me and asked me if I could pick the boys up today.  The caseworker said she didn't know a lot about the boys but knew that they were "really sweet boys".  I asked my questions...were there special needs, what was the reason for removal, had they been in placement before...

This was it.
This was THE CALL.
This is what I had been waiting for.

I talked to my boss, made a few arrangements and was out of my office in about 20 minutes.  I wasn't sure what time I needed to meet the investigator so I went home to try and figure out where I was going to put 3 boys.  I had a set of bunk beds in Drew's room and two beds in Khloe's room that were white wooden twin beds.  I moved the white sleigh bed into Drew's room and put the fire truck quilt on it and it worked just fine.

They called around two and said to head to the hospital to meet the investigator and the Healthworks agent and pick up the boys.  My heart was beating so fast!  I prayed and prayed on my 20 minute drive.  I prayed God's blessing over this decision, I prayed His comfort for the boys, I prayed peace and strength for me and Rich, I prayed for acceptance for my kids, I prayed that I would be His tool and His light.  Once I pulled into the ER I could see them through the window and my heart beat faster.

What do I say?  God I hope I can smile without shaking. What questions am I supposed to ask?  What if I forget their names?  How will they act? 

As I came in I saw a very angry boy sitting in a corner chair with red rimmed eyes and a small boy with buzzed hair bouncing around the room drinking a diet Mt. Dew.  The investigator introduced me, the older boy refused to look at me or talk to me.  They quickly went over health information and put the boys in my SUV and I was driving down the interstate 20 minutes later.

Soon I was picking my kids up from school with two extra little guys in the back seat!  What a surprise for my kids!

It has been 12 days.  Rewarding, challenging, exhausting, trying, full days.  There was a lot of information that was not disclosed to us prior to the placement.  The oldest has a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder and has presented with many challenges.  He requires constant supervision and a very strict schedule to avoid meltdowns or outbursts of anger.  The agency is looking into possible relative placement.

Isn't he precious?

Going from 3 to 5 kids overnight has had challenges but has also forced us to be much more scheduled.  We are in full swing of basketball, volleyball, cheerleading and play right now so we are VERY busy.  So far, busy has been good for the kids.  The boys like to pay video games and would do it 100% of the time if we would let them.  We don't pay a lot of video games in our house, so that has been a challenge as well.

My new normal

We will know today if the boys are staying with us or going to live with a relative.  I have been praying and praying that God's will will be done and that the decision the agency reaches will be the best for the boys.  We hope to stay involved in their lives and provide support & respite to the relative if they do decide to move them.  I would love it if you would pray along with us.

No Go...take 5

The case worker called and said that the investigator was in the home and they created a safety plan and the children would remain in the home.  I'm not sure I want to know what a safety plan is.

It's a good thing that the state is working with families to keep the kids with their parents.  Kids with their parents is usually the best for all involved.

It works out.  I wasn't sure where I would put three boys anyway.

Another call

We got a call for 5 year old and 10 year old boys today.  Licensing worked asked if we could take placement today.  I said yes, depending on some background.  She said the investigator was on her way to the house and that the case worker would call me with more information if a home was needed.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Can you even believe it is 2013??  I know I can't!  It seems like November was a blur and I did my best to soak up every moment of December!  When I look at pictures from 2012 they seem like they were years ago.  So much has changed in our family this year.

That picture seems like it was years ago and it was just April 2012!

And this picture...was taken in June when we went to pick Khloe up from a 10 day stay in Florida with a friend.  It was only 7 month ago that I saw the ocean, or could afford to buy airline tickets for Rich & I to go pick up Khloe in Florida.  It seems like so long ago.  Our lives have changed so much in the passed 6 months.

Christmas was beautiful.  There was no trip this year, but I made an extra effort to soak it all in and cherish each moment.

We are missing our time with Miss Bella.  she has been spending more time at home, which is a good thing, but we miss her so much!

This was an awesome day!  We took a whole morning and just made cookies!  Love the memories!



These were some of my favorite shots from our Christmas card.

It was good. 

I can't help but wonder what God has in His plan for me in 2013.  I'm certainly not where I thought I would be.  I thought that we would have foster kids.  I never dreamed we would still have an empty rental house that is eating away our finances.  I couldn't have imagined that Rich would be working close to home and coming home every night after work.  I didn't anticipate a diagnosis of ADHD in my son and all the challenges that would bring.

As I look into 2013 I have some goals.  Not resolutions, simply things that I want to achieve in 2013.  I want to keep my house clean.  I love FlyLady!  I tried her system a while back and I just wasn't ready to commit.  After our large renovations in 2012 I have gotten rid of a lot of clutter and feel I can do better this time around.  I have been diligent at shining my sink and did a superb job on Saturday!

Blogger is having some problems with their uploads, sorry so blurry.

I want to try to slow down.  Not run as much.  Not always have 100 places to be.  I want to be more intentional about the time I spend with my kids.  More intentional in my prayers for them.

Things on the foster care front are just weird.  I called our licensing worker last week to schedule our 60 day monitoring visit and she randomly said she was going to call me about a placement.  It seems the only time she is going to call me about a placement is when I rattle her cage and call her and remind her that I am still here with three empty beds.  According to her some family stepped forward and they ended up not needing placement.  Imagine that.  Another here are kids that need a home...oh nevermind.  She said that we were the only home that they currently had that could take a placement for three kids.  That spurred some discussion between Rich and I this weekend.  We are technically licensed for three kids, but when we said we would take three it was meant for the extreme case of siblings that would be placed together.  I have a call into the agency to speak with them about the specifics of our placement status.  I think we are going to update them on what currently works for our family and if we don't have a placement by the end of this month then we will change agencies.  I think we have given this agency plenty of opportunity.

For today, I will enjoy my kids and my day to day.  I have very busy week of basket ball, cheerleading, volley ball and a few dinners with girlfriends.  For today, I will enjoy my life to the fullest.

We are Official

I finally feel official!  Our license came in the mail on Friday.  It is dated October 10/28/12-10/28/16 so that means we have been on the roster and/or in the system since 10/28.  I guess this is a bit more of a waiting game than I anticipated.  I thought we would get a placement quickly.  I need to remember that nothing ever goes the way I thought it would.

Our Friday Family movie night continues.  I had given the kids invitations along with their golden Polar Express ticket.  In the wake of the horrific events in CT on Friday I wanted to make things extra special.  I called Rich and asked him to clear the kids our of the family room and tell them they couldn't come in.  I asked him to hang some extra Christmas lights and make the night extra special.  I stopped to get the pizza on the way home, I had planned a few Christmas games and a sweet Christmas treat.  It was a very fun night and I love making these great memories.  The Christmas games were quick and easy as was the treat.  I would love to share so that you may organize a fun event for your family as well.

Christmas games
Fill a tray with random Christmas items.  Stocking, candy cane, pinecone, chocolate chip, candy, ornament, snowflake, santa and some regular items...a watch, a spoon, a red pen, etc.  Give your family 30 seconds to see the tray and remember all the items that they can.  Then remove the tray and give them pen & paper and tell them to write all they can remember.  We also did a word scramble like this one...http://www.sciencekids.co.nz/quizzes/wordscrambles/christmas.html.

Christmas Treat
Before we ate we lined a bar pan or cookie sheet with gram crackers, melted 1 cup of butter and one cup of brown sugar in a pan and brought to a boil.  We then poured the mixture over the gram crackers and baked in the oven for 8 minutes.  We let that cool while we watched part of our movie.  We then melted two large Hershey bars in a glass bowel in the microwave and poured that over the cooled gram crackers.  We played a game and set that in the fridge to cool.  We watched more of the movie then returned to play the other game and eat our delicious snack.  Very easy and a very inexpensive night.  Tis the season for making memories.

December

How in the world can it be December? How did I miss November? I can't believe that the Christmas Season is upon us already! 13 days till Christmas?? Less than two weeks?? Wow! I need to get my Christmas butt in gear! We hosted a Vendor Open House at our house during the Delavan Christmas Tour of Homes and my life has been consumed with that for the passed few weeks. Our kitchen project was slowly moving along and wasn't finished until 2 days before the event when it was supposed to be finished two week before!! Last week consisted of much rushing and decking the halls! Alas, Saturday came and the Open House was successful. Pictures to come. Now, my brain is clear and my plate has been cleared with a new one put in front of me to fill. Kinda like a holiday buffet if you will. 

Last weekend we went on a hunt for the perfect tree.  We usually get a short needle tree (the kind I like) but the kids begged to get a long needle this year so I compromised.  I had this scene in my head about how our tree hunting would go, and the scene that played out and the scene in my mind did not quite match up.  I guess we all strive to be "that perfect family", well at least I know I do.  The one with the happy smiling faces and the matching sweaters all strolling through the tree farm hand in hand singing Christmas carols...well that was not quite how our tree adventure went.  The kids were fighting, and yelling and talking to loudly.  One wanted this tree, one wanted that tree and I wanted the other tree.  We couldn't agree and there was just grumbling and grouching.  Things did not improve when we got home to put up the tree.  It was not a picture perfect event, but I took the pictures anyway. :)



Kait was determined to cut the tree this year.

 

The end result was a beautiful tree, if not a beautiful memory.  I think it's important to give ourselves a break every once in a while.  It's ok to have off days and it's ok if every memory isn't perfect.  It's what makes us a family and I am thankful for mine, even if I have two moody teenage girls and a preteen with ADHD who tests my limits every day.

I have had the opportunity to watch my very favorite Christmas movie...

ELF!  I love this movie!

Rich & started to watch this classic, but were interrupted.  I'll catch that one yet this year!

Foster care update...things continue to be unorganized and frustrating.  We got the call about possibly taking the almost 3 year old boy and never had confirmation on the status of the placement until five days later.  Foster mom changed her mind and didn't want him moved after all.  That seems to be what is best for the boy at this point, and I knew it would be a difficult decision for the foster mother and I prayed a lot for her.  I was ok with the news and trust that God has a plan for us.  It was still frustrating that the agency hadn't spoken with the foster mom before they told us about the possible placement, but I'm coming to expect this nonsense from them.  I did ask for a call from the actual case worker to go over the outcome, and she never took the time to return my call.  I called today and spoke with our licensing worker and expressed my need for better communication. I feel that she heard what I was saying and can feel my frustration so I hope that will improve the communication.  She did confirm that our license is actually in the system and approved and said we would get a copy in the mail soon.

I'm trying very hard to slow down over the next few weeks.  Do some crafts, bake some cookies, flip through a magazine, watch some movies.  I hope that you will take the time to do the same.  Enjoy the Christmas season with your loved ones.  Be blessed.

To be continued...

I knew when we started this journey into Foster Parenting that it would be a wild ride.  I have seen "the state" at work as I have watched my mom deal with things for the passed 28 years of her foster care experience.  I knew there would be frustrations.  Knowing things and processing them are two different emotions.  I called my licensing worker on Tuesday and left a message.  I called her supervisor and left a message.  I'm still trying to figure out where things are with our license.  I never heard back from either of them.  Yesterday at 10:40am I had a 13 minute conversation with my licensing worker and a case worker.  I saw her name come up on my caller ID and assumed she was returning my call from Tuesday.  I answer and she says "Hi Kari, it's _____, I wanted to talk to you about a referral."  My mind moves very fast.  I can have about 100 thoughts in 2 seconds.  My first thought is that I just cannot believe these people.  They can't return a call to let me know the status of my license, but they are calling me with a referral.  Unbelievable.  So I start asking the standard questions, how old is he?  How long has he been in care?  How many homes has he been in?  Does he have any medical issues?  And she puts his caseworker on the line.  The caseworker was very nice and answered all of my many questions.  She said that his current foster mom had given a written notice today.  She gave me all of the info and said she would be in touch.  That was almost 24 hours ago and I have heard nothing.  I am not good at being patient.  I am a planner and I want to know what the next step is.  I'm trying not to call them, trying to wait for them to call me, but I'm losing restraint.  I'm trying not to get my hopes up, as this is the fourth referral we have had, just the second "official" referral.  None of the others has come through so I'm trying not to get too excited.

To be continued when I know more...

Are we there yet??

We STILL do not have our license.  I truly just cannot believe it.  I never, in a million years, thought that I would be close to December 1st and not have any new children in our home.  Never did I think that I would be this close to December 1st and not even have our license.  The last communication I had with them was on November 15th, I was finally in touch with our licensing worker.  She said that the paperwork was sent to her supervisor in Champaign (yeah, yeah, the check's in the mail) and that we should hear news soon.  She said that if they were to get a referral that matched our criteria that we would be considered for placement.  I'm not sure I believe that.  I think the thing that frustrates me the most is that I feel the licensing worker is not being honest with me.  If she would have given me realistic time lines in the beginning, I wouldn't be so frustrated.  She makes promises, to appease me I'm sure, but then she cannot follow up with her end of the bargain.  I would much rather her just be honest and say "the paperwork will take four weeks to process from this point', instead of 'we will rush things through for you and scan things in and you will be licensed in two days'.  Then hide from me and not return any of my phone calls.  I would have much rather her tell us to go ahead and take the 9 week PRIDE course 40 minutes from our house because it will take six months to obtain a license instead of telling us that if we break our necks and pull 16 hour days and do the classes in 5 weeks she's sure that we can be licensed shortly after the class finishes.  Here we are eight weeks after we completed our PRIDE training and we STILL don't have even a license!!!  I can't help but wonder how long it will be from the time we actually get our license until we have a placement.  I wonder if this agency even gets referrals.  If they handle their referrals anything like they handle their licensing, I'm sure DCFS doesn't want to deal with them and would rather give referrals to other agencies.

I have called both the licensing agent and her supervisor today and left messages for an update.

I was praying this morning about this situation.  Again praying for patience, again praying for children that are currently in foster care and children that are in their homes but being abused or neglected.  I was praying for children that are out there that will be coming into our home and then I wondered if that will even happen at all.  I wondered if all of this delay is just God's way of telling us that these are not the plans He has for us.  And I prayed, again, for His guidance and His will to be done.  I prayed that He would make me His tool and to simply have me ready.  Ready to do His work, whatever that may be. 

I pray that when He calls I am ready.

I"m getting that fuzzy feeling

I'm getting that fuzzy feeling.  You know the one that comes around every year about this time.  When your heart and mind are full of jingle bells and big red bows.  Yes, Christmas.  I'm feeling very excited about Christmas this year.  I'm not sure why, becasue it will surley be a different kind of Christmas for us this year.  Every year for several years we have taken a trip at Christmas instead of giving our kids gifts.  We decided long ago that it was silly to spend money on gifts for them when they did not NEED anything.  We decided to give them memories instead.  We have taken them to Mexico, Jamaica, Punta Cana...it has been wonderful.  I look forward to that time of rest and relaxation.  My husband has travled with his job, being gone two weeks then home for the weekend and this was an important time for us to be together as a family and enjoy eachother.  Last year it was not 100% enjoyable.  The kids were a bit nasty to eachother and had a bit of an entitlement attitude.  We decided then that we would not take a trip this year.  So this year will be a bit tricky.  Again, I do not want to spend money on the kids when they don't NEED anything.  I would rather spend money on a charity or donating to other families or organizations.  I think that this idea of Random Acts Of Christmas is a great idea!  However...IF we have foster children in ourhome, I want them to be able to experience gits under the tree and the happiness of unwrapping Christmas morning.  It wouldn't be fair to have gifts for foster kids and not my kids...so we are considering doing this...

I would really like to be doing this...



Me & the kids, Jamaica 2008

but finances and attitudes don't allow for it this year.  Hopefully next year!

Things in foster care land continue to be very frustrating.  It was two weeks ago when our clearances came from Springfield.  I was under the impression that we would have our license shortly there after.  I STILL have not had a conversation with our licensing worker about what is going on.  She has yet to return any of my calls.  I called again this Monday and Tuesday.  On Tuesday afternoon I was frustrated enough to call her supervisor.  The supervisor explained that once she had the clearances she mailed them to Lincoln to our licensing agent.  Then she put the whole packet together and sent it to her supervisor in Champaign.  Then that supervisor signs off on it and mails it back to the supervisor in Springfield where she enters it into the system in Springfield and then we are licensed.  Doesn't that just sound like craziness?  You would think in the world of modern technologuy that system could be much simpler.  So as of yesterday the supervisor in Springfield did not have the paperwork.  As of today, I have not heard back from our licesing worker.  It's all very frustrating.  I thought I would have a house full at Halloween.  Now here it is almost Thanksgiving.  We usually get our Christmas tree the Saturday after Thanksgiving, but I am hesitant because if we do get foster kids I would love for them to be a part of cutting down the tree and decorating it.  What kid doesn't deserve to be a part of that?!  Our kitchen is currently in our living room because of a huge remodel so I think we will wait a bit to get our tree.  I am hosting an event on December 8th, so I will have to have things done by then.  Perhaps it will be after the first of the year before we have any extra kiddos with us.  Only the good Lord knows.

I had to share this photo of my girls from the weekend.  They spent the night at my mom's house and she was teaching them to crochet.  It's about the age when she taught me.  I love it.  I hope to make a lot of my Christmas gifts this year.  I find so many great ideas on Pinterest.  This is my gift ideas board here.  Pop over and get some ideas!

Hopefully next time I come here to post news I will be a licensed foster parent!  Hey, a girl can dream!

One Step Forward and Two Steps Back

 Family movie night continures to be a success! Last week was carmel apples and a special Starbucks Carmel Apple Spice.  Can you guess what the movie was?  The hot Carmel Apple spice drink is soooo good and really easy to make!  Did you know that you can buy Cinnamon Dolce syrup right from Starbucks??  For the recipe...heat apple juice on the stove or in the microwave.  Pour into fuzzy cups, add one teaspoon of dolce sauce and top with a dollop of whipped cream!  YUM!!
I had someone home sick last week...

This guy was so interested in the presidential election!  I love this picture!  I think he should run for president!

The girls could not decide what to be for halloween.  They ended up being a princess ballerina and a princess tap dancer.
















This guy was Willie Wonka and his friend was an Oompa Loompa!

















My mom had surgery last week so I offered to help out and take some of her kids for the day. I sure had my hands full!  I had 7 kids!  Two toddlers, two with ADHD and two teenagers!!  Overall it was a fun day!  I thought it was great practice for my foster care days ahead.

Nothing is happening on the foster care front.  We got word last Tuesday that our clearances were in and that my licensing worker was going to have the supervisor scan in our license and we should have it on Wednesday.  I didn't hear anything from them so I called the office Friday and she wasn't in.  I called again on Monday and she wasn't in.  I called her cell and she told me that she wasn't in the office but would get the license scanned in on Tuesday.  Tuesday she had an emergency and would have to get back with me.  We were approached last Thursday by a friend about taking a placement of a newborn that she was associated with.  I gave her the agency's contact information but never heard another thing.  Still waiting...

One Step Closer

We are one step closer.  I woke up humming this song this morning and I knew that we would get news today.  Final clearance came through yesterday from Springfield.  Our homestudy is complete and all information has been sent for final data entry.  Our licensing worker says we should have the license in our hands in about a week.  One step closer.

And Exhale

I feel like my life starts on Friday night.  My Monday through Friday is consumed with a job that is very stressful and draining and I often feel like I am holding my breath until I get to 4pm on Friday...and the I can exhale and breathe and enjoy my life.  The family and I are LOVING family movie night.  This week was a double feature of Madagascar 3 and Beetle Juice.  We had hot coco and delicious sugar cookies for our treat.

 Saturday was a very scheduled day.  Lots of errands to run in the morning, and a tea with my step-mom in the afternoon.  We visited Twigs Market in the morning to deliver our homemade laundry soap that we sell there.  You can find our Etsy store here: The Dixon Connection.  The kids and I love this little market!  They have so many wonderful things to see.  Bunnies and chickens and goats and ducks for the kids to play with, fresh produce, antiques, handmade items...it's a wonderful place and worth the drive out!

After deliveries we picked up grandma and headed out to The Mackinaw Tea Room for lunch.  They were having their holiday open house and there were beautiful things to see and very delicious things to eat!

 I did manage to find some time on Sunday to start clearing out the dining room in preparation of our new floors going in.  I came across some old pictures of the kids.  It seems like it was just a few months ago when they were this little!!

 The weekend had a perfect ending with a Sunday dinner at my parents' house roasting hot dogs and eating smores and apple crisp!

We have heard nothing new in regards to our foster care license.  It is my understanding that the Central Office of Licensing in Springfield underwent a large audit in August & September and that is why all of the clearances out of Springfield are being delayed.  I am just trying to be patient and trust in the Lord's timing.

Apples and monsters and pumpkins, OH MY!

We have stolen an idea from this blog and I am loving it!  Last Friday night was our second Family Movie night.  We made homemade carmel apples and a sparkling apple cider that I found on my beloved Pinterest.  The movie was Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  Drew ahs decided he will be Willie Wonka for halloween.

Saturday was a planned trip to Six Flags to enjoy Fright Fest.  We get season passes every year but have never made it down for Fright Fest.  It was a good time.  It was me and four kids, and Khloe was terrified of the monsters and we lost Drew at one point for a minute and a half that seemed like 6 years, but overall we had a good time.

Sunday was our annual trip to the pumpkin patch.  We didn't have Bella this year and we missed her.

I sure have some beautiful children.

Sunday night was dinner at my parents' house and some pumpkin carving!

There was a little time in between all of the activity for Daddy to catch a few zzzzz.  I couldn't help but take his picture.  He's such a handsome guy.                    

Nothing exciting to report in the Fostercare area.  Our agency is claiming that clearances out of Springfield are backed up and taking an extened amount of time.  I'm just frustrated with the whole thing.  Others that were in class with us have gotten their license.  Many people have told us to change agencies, for now I'm just trying to be patient and trust in the Lord's timing.