IVF

Babies, babies, everywhere! I have been surrounded by babies this week. My friend Misty (see side bar for blog link) had her surro-twins on Valentines day. Congrats to her! A friend of mine from the infertility boards, Amanda, had her baby today. Congratulations Amanda & her DH on the birth of Brady. He is sooooooooo cute!!!! A friend from work had her first grandbaby today. Congratulations Grandma Shelly!!!! I was sitting on the couch last night with Rich when I got the two texts from two friends going into labor. I knew that Misty was probably very close, and I was doing fine dealing with all of my emotions, then I got the texts from both friends, back to back... and proceeded to have a melt down. I went through my usual questions, why this, why that, I don't understand, blah blah blah. Poor Rich was here with a wet shoulder, again. In the midst of all of the tears, he was reassuring me that one day we would have our baby and that it will happen for us, and he said that if I really wanted to do IVF we could. The poor sweet guy, he wants so bad to be able to make it all better.

IVF is not for us. I know that, but lately have lost sight of that a few times. IVF is not for us, and this is why. First and foremost, we believe that if God wants us to have another child, he can make it happen. If God wants to join a sperm with one of my eggs, he will. I think that IVF is a decision that each family need to make for themselves. I am not saying that I think IVF is wrong for everyone, I am just saying that IVF is not for us. I do not want a scientist to be the one joining the sperm and the egg, I want that to be God's job. Secondly, I have a problem with the little embryos that are created prior to IVF. A friend of mine just went through her first IVF. She harvested 21 eggs. They fertilized them, and 11 fertilized. 10 made it to an embryo stage. So now they have 10 embryos, 10 babies in my opinion. So here is my issue. Now what? I could not freeze my babies, I could not destroy my babies, I could not implant all 10... so what do you do? This is another dilemma that I have with IVF. We really do not want multiples (though I would be over the moon with twins, Rich would freak!) and your chance of multiples is 20-30% with IVF. Another reason that IVF is not for us.

I want a baby. I want to have a belly! I want to feel the kicks. I want to feel the warmth of my 6 year old's hand on my belly feeling his sibling kick for the first time. I want a trip to the hospital. I want my water to break. I want to watch my children dote over their baby brother or sister. I want to see my husband with his face shining on his newborn. I want fuzzy soft blankets. I want to nurse. I want to be a stay at home mom. I want to have "an announcement to make". I want the joy. I want the joy. I want this feeling of inadequateness and failure and longing to go away. I want the victory. I want the miracle.