Blame Hope

I have a very dear friend that God has hand delivered to me, her name is Hope. No really, her name is Hope! I met her on my infertility board and she has come to mean a lot to me. Tonight we were talking on the computer. She asked me how I was holding up in the 2ww, and I shared how I am trying very hard not to obsess and overanayze everything. Then I shared a secret... I did happen to notice that my temp has gone up higher this month than it ever has. So that must mean that I am indeed pregnant! I then proceeded to pick through 23 months of charts and see if there were any charts that I have had in the past that looked like this one. Begin... obsession! So we were laughing and I told her that it was all her fault because I have been doing so well at not obsessing and then I said I would just "blame hope". As soon as I saw it pop up on the screen I thought how ironic it was. Blame hope. Isn't that what it is to blame each month when I start to look into every single twinge, burp, heartburn, tiredness, cramp...hope. The hope that this is the month for us. The hope that in two weeks we will have our miracle...

Romans 5
Peace and Joy 1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

1 Corinthians 13
Love 1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres...13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

2 Corinthians 1:7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

So when I obsess, and ponder and research and pee on sticks incessantly and pull them out of the garbage for just one more look, and analyze and pray and pray and pray... blame hope.