I stated in a previous entry that we were at a crossroads. The next day, this was my devotional reading that is automatically e-mailed to me each morning...
"Crossroads"
Susanne ScheppmannProverbs 31 Speaker Team Member, Co-online Devotional EditorKey
Verse:Jeremiah 6:16, "This is what the Lord says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls…" (NIV)Devotion:"I don't remember the bushes on the side of the road looking so green," I thought to myself. The next thing I knew, I was driving over a bridge high above a large river clearly identified on the sign as the Colorado River. Not long after, a large yellow sign welcomed me to California. I was supposed to be entering Nevada! Somewhere, at a crossroads, I made the wrong turn and didn't realize my mistake for over an hour.
Sheepishly I called my husband to tell him my news:
"Hi, it's me"
"Hi, Honey. Are you almost home?"
"Not exactly, I'm in California."
"What? Are you lost? Didn't you read the map?"
"No, I didn't look at the map. I thought I knew the right direction, but I must have made a wrong turn at the crossroads in Arizona. I am turning around.
" My "detour" added an additional two hours to my long drive home. If only I had read my map or asked for directions, I wouldn't have found myself in California. I wouldn't have lost valuable time and energy.Often, I make the same mistake in my spiritual life. Big decisions loom ahead. I think I know the right course. So off I go without taking time to pray or read my Bible, and my choices go awry. Once I have strayed too far down the wrong path,I usually realize: "Oops, I should have sought God's advice." God promises that when we stand at a crossroads He will guide us. We need to stop and listen with our spiritual ears for the correct course to take.
Proverbs 3:6 advises us to acknowledge Him in all our ways and He will make our paths straight. I prefer my path straight over crooked, don't you? So the next time life presents a quandary, let's stop at the crossroads of our decision. Let's ask Him which is the better way. Let's reach for our Bible and let God's Word become our roadmap. "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path," Psalms 119:105 (NIV). God's Word promises to show us the right way to proceed in life.
Power Verses:Isaiah 58:8, "Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard." (NIV)
Isaiah 30:21, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." (NIV)
Proverbs 3:6, "…in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (NIV)
Isaiah 35:8, "And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness. The unclean will not journey on it; it will be for those who walk in that Way; wicked fools will not go about on it." (NIV)
John 10:9, "I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture." (NIV)
I received a note from a friend that day asking about our crossroad. I explained to her that I feel that is where we are right now on our TTC journey. We have been traveling down this road for so long, just going forward. I think it is time to turn left or right. So with this month’s IUI results we will turn. Left takes me back to the gym and back to college to peruse some sort of career, right takes me to the place that I have been wanting to be as long as I can remember… staying at home and raising a family. How appropriate that left has me leaving a dream behind and right just feels right. I just can’t keep doing the same month after month. The drugs are really getting to me, I just can’t handle it anymore. Not to mention the emotional rollercoaster that I am on each month. Building up two weeks for the big O and then building up two weeks to test… it’s just all become to much for me to handle emotionally and physically. The shots, the drugs, the 1 ½ hour drive to the appointments 2 or 3 times a month, the temping, the charting, the testing… it has all finally beat me after 5 long years. I feel it is time for a change. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results… well I am tired of being insane. I don’t feel that “peace” that I expected to feel with this decision, I will keep searching and praying for it, but I know that something has got to change.
Her response has got me thinking... here is a portion of what she had to say:
"It's not about giving up. It's more like trying a different approach. Maybe you should go "back to the gym and back to school" Not because you can't or choose not to have more babies. But just because it's what you need to do now. You know as well as I do that people have children older and older. You're not old! So don't roll over and say you are.
Try something new, perhaps it will bring you the answers you're looking for in the most round about way you ever imagined.And don't forget... going forward doesn't mean you can't go backwards. That story from the devotion about the lady who had to turn around. It should be noted that had she not taken that "wrong turn" she wouldn't have seen the sites she'd seen, nor would she have learned that there was a road that she was "meant" to be on. Sure it cost time and energy, but it made getting home to her final destination that much sweeter.Being where I've been, I'd go for the Gonal-F... just one round. And at the same time i would plan to take a course or go to the gym or whatever.For now you're going to go from a 2 lane road to a 4 lane road so you can enjoy a little more along the way.When you exit, the exit will be more of a crescent with the option to get back on further down the road. Who knows, maybe when the time comes to get back one the road, you'll find out that you were on the right one all along.
Good luck my friend. I feel that you are carrying a great weight right now. I hope that you're able to alleviate some of the pressure soon."
So I called my RE's office to fill them in on where we are at and what I have been feeling. That takes us to the next entry.
"Crossroads"
Susanne ScheppmannProverbs 31 Speaker Team Member, Co-online Devotional EditorKey
Verse:Jeremiah 6:16, "This is what the Lord says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls…" (NIV)Devotion:"I don't remember the bushes on the side of the road looking so green," I thought to myself. The next thing I knew, I was driving over a bridge high above a large river clearly identified on the sign as the Colorado River. Not long after, a large yellow sign welcomed me to California. I was supposed to be entering Nevada! Somewhere, at a crossroads, I made the wrong turn and didn't realize my mistake for over an hour.
Sheepishly I called my husband to tell him my news:
"Hi, it's me"
"Hi, Honey. Are you almost home?"
"Not exactly, I'm in California."
"What? Are you lost? Didn't you read the map?"
"No, I didn't look at the map. I thought I knew the right direction, but I must have made a wrong turn at the crossroads in Arizona. I am turning around.
" My "detour" added an additional two hours to my long drive home. If only I had read my map or asked for directions, I wouldn't have found myself in California. I wouldn't have lost valuable time and energy.Often, I make the same mistake in my spiritual life. Big decisions loom ahead. I think I know the right course. So off I go without taking time to pray or read my Bible, and my choices go awry. Once I have strayed too far down the wrong path,I usually realize: "Oops, I should have sought God's advice." God promises that when we stand at a crossroads He will guide us. We need to stop and listen with our spiritual ears for the correct course to take.
Proverbs 3:6 advises us to acknowledge Him in all our ways and He will make our paths straight. I prefer my path straight over crooked, don't you? So the next time life presents a quandary, let's stop at the crossroads of our decision. Let's ask Him which is the better way. Let's reach for our Bible and let God's Word become our roadmap. "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path," Psalms 119:105 (NIV). God's Word promises to show us the right way to proceed in life.
Power Verses:Isaiah 58:8, "Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard." (NIV)
Isaiah 30:21, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." (NIV)
Proverbs 3:6, "…in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (NIV)
Isaiah 35:8, "And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness. The unclean will not journey on it; it will be for those who walk in that Way; wicked fools will not go about on it." (NIV)
John 10:9, "I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture." (NIV)
I received a note from a friend that day asking about our crossroad. I explained to her that I feel that is where we are right now on our TTC journey. We have been traveling down this road for so long, just going forward. I think it is time to turn left or right. So with this month’s IUI results we will turn. Left takes me back to the gym and back to college to peruse some sort of career, right takes me to the place that I have been wanting to be as long as I can remember… staying at home and raising a family. How appropriate that left has me leaving a dream behind and right just feels right. I just can’t keep doing the same month after month. The drugs are really getting to me, I just can’t handle it anymore. Not to mention the emotional rollercoaster that I am on each month. Building up two weeks for the big O and then building up two weeks to test… it’s just all become to much for me to handle emotionally and physically. The shots, the drugs, the 1 ½ hour drive to the appointments 2 or 3 times a month, the temping, the charting, the testing… it has all finally beat me after 5 long years. I feel it is time for a change. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results… well I am tired of being insane. I don’t feel that “peace” that I expected to feel with this decision, I will keep searching and praying for it, but I know that something has got to change.
Her response has got me thinking... here is a portion of what she had to say:
"It's not about giving up. It's more like trying a different approach. Maybe you should go "back to the gym and back to school" Not because you can't or choose not to have more babies. But just because it's what you need to do now. You know as well as I do that people have children older and older. You're not old! So don't roll over and say you are.
Try something new, perhaps it will bring you the answers you're looking for in the most round about way you ever imagined.And don't forget... going forward doesn't mean you can't go backwards. That story from the devotion about the lady who had to turn around. It should be noted that had she not taken that "wrong turn" she wouldn't have seen the sites she'd seen, nor would she have learned that there was a road that she was "meant" to be on. Sure it cost time and energy, but it made getting home to her final destination that much sweeter.Being where I've been, I'd go for the Gonal-F... just one round. And at the same time i would plan to take a course or go to the gym or whatever.For now you're going to go from a 2 lane road to a 4 lane road so you can enjoy a little more along the way.When you exit, the exit will be more of a crescent with the option to get back on further down the road. Who knows, maybe when the time comes to get back one the road, you'll find out that you were on the right one all along.
Good luck my friend. I feel that you are carrying a great weight right now. I hope that you're able to alleviate some of the pressure soon."
So I called my RE's office to fill them in on where we are at and what I have been feeling. That takes us to the next entry.
2 comments:
Whatever you chose to do hon, you will have so much support and so many prayers going up for you. Super big squishy hugs :)
Sounds like so much going on inside you, but I know you will have the Lord and each other to help you in this decision.
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