Negative Beta

I got the news this morning. Beta was a 2. I cannot even begin to explain my emotions because I am walking out the door for Jamaica with my family to celebrate Christmas! I will be updating our family blog with pics from the trip, blogging from Jamiaca. When the RE called with the results, he asked if I drank. I said "no, but I just might!" So I leave you with this song...

I was feelin’ the blues
I was watching the news
When this fella came on the TV

He said I’m tellin’ you
That science has proven
That heartaches are healed by the sea

That got me goin’
Without even knowin’
I packed right up and drove down

Now I’m on a roll
And I swear to my soul
Tonight I’m gonna paint this town

So bring me two pina coladas
One for each hand
Let’s set sail with Captin Morgan
And never leave dry land

Troubles I forgot ‘em
I buried ‘em in the sand
So bring me two pina coladas
She said good-bye to her good timin’ man

Oh now I’ve gotta say
That the wind and the waves
And the moon winkin’ down at me

Eases my mind
By leavin’ behind
The heartaches that love often brings

Now I’ve got a smile
That goes on for miles
With no inclination to roam

I’ve gotta say
That I think I’ve gotta stay
‘Cause this is feelin’ more and more like home

So bring me two pina coladas
One for each hand
Let’s set sail with Captin Morgan
And never leave dry land

Troubles I forgot ‘em
I buried ‘em in the sand
So bring me two pina coladas
She said good-bye to her good timin’ man

10dpiui

What do you think? What do you see?

8dpiui

Today's test. The line is fainter, that is a good thing at this point. My mood swings are back in full force. I had forgotten how bad things really get from being pumped full of hormones. It is really hard, and I am struggling. I feel so bad when I yell and scream and over react. I can see it in the faces of the kids, they know when mom is about to lose it. I explained to them tonight how the hormones and medicine that I take makes me a little more crabby. I told them that it was from the medicine that Mommy takes so that we can have another baby. I asked them if they want me to stop taking the medication, or if they just want to deal with the crabbiness and they all immediatly said keep taking the medicine. They didn't even stop to think about it. It brought tears to my eyes. The fact that they would deal with a crabby mom (and I have been soooo crabby), just so they can have a little brother or sister, that is just priceless to me. I love those little kiddos!

Here is my test 7dpiui. There is a faint test line, that means that there is still trigger in my system. I will test each day and watch this line dissapear. Once it is gone, I will know that if I see a second line again it is a BFP!

7dpiui

One week ago today was the insemination. Time is not going by quickly! I did have my progesterone draw done yesterday, however, the lab said it would be 5-7 days before the results would be available. I called the RE to let them know that and to beg them for a beta blood draw before I leave. They agreed to do a blood draw on Saturday and then they will call me Monday and leave the results on my cell phone. I will have to have someone in the states retrieve the message and call me in Jamaica with the results. I am hoping that if I go in to the lab at 6am they may get the results to my RE sometime that morning and they may have a chance to call me on Saturday. It would be so great to know before I leave!

I am not reading into symptoms, my PMS symptoms are the same as pregnancy symptoms. Just trying to trust in the Lord.

I will try to update before we leave for Jamaica. We fly out on 12/16.

3dpiui

A picture of my three Miracles tonight.

That is 3 days post IUI for those not of the TTC world. That is where I am in my cycle, 3 days past the IUI. Nothing new to report. I am not tracking symptoms, it only makes me crazy! I will be sure to post the numbers from the progesterone on Monday. I do not feel overly optimistic about this attempt. Rich and I have actually been talking about the next cycle already. I think he is going to start on some vitamins and herbs, and I believe that I will go with the full dose of 100mg of Clomid next time.

Two of the ladies that I am in a "group" with on the infertility board I frequent got their long awaited BFPs this week! It was a very exciting board this week. I am so happy for them, and I hope and pray that these pregnancies will bring them their long awaited child next August!! I am hoping the pregnancy travels in threes!!

Here is a "poem" that I came across tonight on another blog.

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

~ Author Unknown ~

This touched me. With my first children I think I took many things for granted. They were all so small at the same time and I was so busy and overwhelmed. Some days I didn't even get my teeth brushed. Oh what I would give to go back and do it all again. To watch them sleep more often. To smell them, to nurse them just a bit longer. I long for one more chance, one more miracle.

What are the odds?

Q: What is the success rate for IUI?

I am so confused by this question! I can't seem to find an answer that makes sense! This is what I found...

A: Searching through about a dozen medical journal articles and a number of web sites resulted in a rather wide range of statistics. Basically the odds of success are reported to be just under 6 percent and as high as 26 percent per cycle. The low statistics are with one follicle, while multiple follicles resulted in as high 26 percent success. Another influencing factor is sperm count. Higher sperm counts increase the odds of success; however, there was little difference between success with good-average counts and those with high counts. The overall success rate seems to be between 15-20 percent per cycle, judging from the articles which will be abstracted below. The rate of multiple gestation pregnancies is 23-30 percent.

There is a 25% to 30% chance of conceiving in any given cycle without medical intervention.

So this is where I get lost. If my chances are 25-30% on a natural cycle, then why do they drop to possibly 6% with a IUI? I guess that factors infertility in... I'm confused. I just need to trust in God and forget about the numbers... it only takes one, right?!

Super Socks

I couldn't help but go to this site and look this up…
Due Date Calculator: Your baby will be born on or around
Tuesday, August 26, 2008. You are about 2 weeks pregnant.

Thank you Misty for wearing the super fertile socks! Keep them on for two weeks ok!?

Mission complete!

This was my Richard this morning!

The procedure went well. Rich and I met at 7:00am, (thanks Mom for keeping the kids!)collected the sample and then went for breakfast. The counts were 29% motility, 54% morphology with a total count of 19.4 million per ml. We returned to the office and waited for our turn. They called us back at about 9:20. The counts after the sperm prep were 43% motility, 65% morphology with a count of 30.2 million per ml. The doctor inserted a speculum, inserted the catheter with the sperm, injected it and then put a cap on my cervix. I laid there for 10 minutes and then we were on our way. He headed to work and so did I. We were out of there by 9:40.

I am so tired now, I don’t do 5am very well. I am planning on taking it easy tonight. I considered driving to Rich for one more BDing session, but decided that it would be better for me to just rest. It only takes ONE sperm, and right now there are 30 million swimming around up there. If God wants it to happen, it will happen. I am trying so very hard not to obsess this time. There is nothing I can do to change or control the situation, so I am trying to relax and give it to God. It is going to be brutal not to be able to test for 14 days! I was talking to a friend of mine today that is a surrogate and she was able to get a BFP 5 days after her transfer!!! 5 days is a bit more my style!!!! I go in for progesterone draw on Monday. I will post results as soon as I have them. Keep praying for us!!

Our Christmas IUI

The big day has finally arrived. I went today to have the follies measured and we have one mature follicle. There were several others, but they were not fully mature. So tomorrow at 7am I will meet Rich at the RE's office. We will collect the sample and then go for breakfast. We will return to the office at 9am and have the insemination done at 9:15. I will lay on the table for about 10 minutes after the procedure and then we will both be off to work! I will have a progesterone draw done one week from today. They wanted to do a blood test to check for pregnancy 2 weeks from tomorrow, but we will be in Jamaica! I hope they let you take pregnancy tests in your luggage!! I will be testing two weeks from tomorrow!!! I am nervous. I will update tomorrow with details!!