Miracles Waiting is a program to match embryo donor families with adoptive families. You place a profile about your family and hope to be matched with a donor family. It is $150 to join and place a profile. We did this today. I submitted an application and paid the fee, and now we wait to be approved and have access to the donor profiles. I have no idea where this is going to go and if there are even donor families in this program that are looking for an adoptive family for their embryos.
On their website they list clinics in your state that participate in FET from known donors. Four of their listed clinics match my list of clinics from my insurance. I plan to make calls today to find out the clinic's protocol and find out if there is a wait for their FET program. I sent over a request to my RE this morning to fax me all of my file. That made me sad. I wish I could stick with my clinic!! I love my RE so much and I trust her and her staff to do the right thing with my health.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Great minds don't always think alike
Every morning Rich & I talk on my drive in to work. He travels with his job, so he is gone for two weeks and then home for the weekend. We use this time to touch base and catch up. Nights around here are pretty crazy, and so we don't always get a chance to chat in the evenings. So this morning, we were having our morning chat and discussing our adoption plans. Rich expressed a lot of the same thoughts that I had posted last night on the blog, but not all of the same thoughts. He is leaning toward embryo adoption. I feel like my heart is in Africa.
He had some valid points, some of the same points I addressed in my post last night. Embryo adoption would be so much easier. Less time, less money, easier on the child to adjust to a new life. And he feels that we are still doing God's work because we are choosing a child that may otherwise have been destroyed. We are honoring their parent's decision to choose life.I have done research on the Snowflake program, and today I was looking into Miracles Waiting. I printed their list of participating clinics in Illinois and tonight I will compare that list to the list of covered providers in IL through my insurance. Tomorrow I will call the matching clinics and ask about protocol. I've been reading about the drugs & procedures. Trying to learn it all.
I sooooooooooo want to make a decision and start moving forward!! I do have to admit, the idea of not having to have a home study, fingerprinting, clearance from federal & state, immigration paper work, trips to a foreign country and a life of explaining myself has it's appeal.
At this point we will keep praying and hope that the Lord will move us in the right direction. The direction that will lead us to our child.
I wish that babies just came easy :)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Adoption
When you start looking into adoption, all of the options can be a bit overwhelming. Domestic or International? Child or Embryo Adoption? What clinic will accept adopted embryos? White, brown, black? China, Ghana, Russia, Thailand, Ethiopia? What agency? Adoption Advocates, Adoption Associates, Dove, All God's Children?? Homestudy agency. Local or far? What are the fees? What is the wait like? How many times will you have to travel? How long is the stay? Can we afford this? Can we afford not to??
There are so many decisions to make, and all the while you just want to MAKE A DECISION and get on with the process!!
Rich & I both have taken this decision very seriously and prayerfully. When I first mentioned it to Rich I told him to really start praying about it. Every time we would talk for like two weeks I would ask him if God had talked to him yet?? Did he have the answers yet??? Then, on November 8th, God started talking to me.
Now when I say this...know that I am not the kind that thinks I can "hear" God in an audible voice. There have been very few times in my life when I felt 100% certain that God was nudging me to do something, and for some reason it's usually when the offering plate goes around. I will start to wright the check out and then I will "hear" God "nudging" me. It usually goes something like this...
getting my checkbook out, start to write the check
"ummmm, excuse me but that isn't 10%"
well I know Lord, but this week we are a little short
"put an extra zero on there"
and extra zero!!?? are you kidding me??
"I'm God, I don't kid"
but Lord, I don't have that money this week!!
"am I not God? do I not meet all of your needs? do I not provide all you need?"
So when I feel that "voice" of God, I really try to listen. On November 8th, Rich & I had both been praying about adoption for about two weeks. I thought surely God would talk to Rich first because he is a WAY better christian than I am, and well...I haven't been all that prayerful or even church-going-full over the past year. So when I felt that feeling...that one like God was talking to me...I really got excited. For about 2 seconds, then I started questioning myself and wondering if it was really God or just me, talking to myself, in my own head. In the end, God & I had a good talk that night. I was 100% certain of the answers He gave me. I knew what our next step was.
and then came the morning.
and the doubt.
We had made the decision to adopt from Ethiopia. After reading about a million blogs, and researching Ethiopian adoption I started my research on placement agencies. I sent some e-mails, requested some information and selected an agency. I felt good. I felt progress! Then I would read a blog about another family and wonder if their agency was better. I would send an email and request information. I would compare prices, procedures, trainings, etc... and doubt myself again.
Then I started to grasp the concept a bit more and realized that I needed a SECOND agency. A homestudy agency. And I started the requesting, the researching, the phone calls and the doubting all over again. One particular homestudy agency here in IL gave me the information that Ethiopia may be issuing a moratorium. Ensue MAJOR doubt and fear!!
At this point I start to freak out.
Can you even believe that I am freaking out about all of this stuff AND WE HAVENT EVEN SUBMITTED AN APPLICATION???
So if we choose international adoption, and that country issues a moratorium, all of our money and time is invested and we are on hold. NOTHING we can do about it. If that country stays closed, we lose our money. I never thought of this because WE HAVENT EVEN SUBMITTED AN APPLICATION and I havent even seen a contract.
So I'm freaking out, and I start to look into other options. Now remember God and I already talked this out. He already told me what to do, and now I'm going with plan B. I really don't think that God has a plan B. But plan A is scaring the hell out of me, and I'm freaking out, so I'm looking into plan B.
So I start looking into Embryo Adoption through Snowflakes. I had stumbled upon this blog many months ago and have been following their journey. This concept entered my mind and I did some research. I have read quite a bit of information and made several calls. You still use a homestudy agency and go through the Snowflake program to adopt the embryos. How awesome would it be to be pregnant and get to nurse your adopted child!!!?? I called our clinic in Springfield (who I LOVE) and they shot me down before I even said "Hello". They DO NOT accept embryos into their clinic. I was shocked. The lady was quite rude about the whole thing. I was so surprised. I thought it would be an easy Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET). Just using someone else's embryos. After MANY phone calls, I discovered that it is not simple at all. Many clinics don't accept frozen embryos into their clinic. The thought of having to find a new clinic makes me nauseous. I have been through sooooo much with infertility treatments. The though of having to start all of that over is not appealing. I found one clinic in Chicago that seemed to know a little bit about what I was explaining. I haven't had a lot of time to call all of the clinics on my insurance list. I'm trying to decided if this is something that we want to look into.
but honestly... I think my heart is already in Africa.
I know it will be harder. That is such an understatement!!! It will be harder in so many ways. It will be harder to justify to family and friends that say "why Africa??" "why don't you just adopt here in America?" It will be harder procedure wise. It will be harder to travel half way around the world. It will be harder to parent a child that did not grow inside me. It will be harder to raise a child that has a different color skin than the five of us do. It will be harder for that child to be accepted into our society. It will take twice as long. I know it will cost twice as much. Way more money than we have.
but I think that my heart is already in Africa...
Can I share with you that when you enter an adoption journey you need to be prepared to feel all kinds of crazy??? Is it just me? Are there people that enter this world cool, calm and collected and know just what to do? Do those same people ever doubt themselves? Do they ever feel overwhelmed? Confused? Scared?
I wish there was a way to KNOW what the right answer is!!! All I can do is keep praying and hope that God keeps moving me in the right direction. It would be so easy to just close the book midchapter and say "this is too hard". I have a wonderful life!! Three beautiful kids, a husband that is my best friend, a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, food in my fridge, a job that I love, friends that enrich my life, family to share Sunday dinner with. My life is good. And it's comfortable and it's easy. Why rock the boat?
but my heart has been broken for children in a country half the world away. And my heart aches for my daughter that I feel is there waiting for The Dixons to bring her home.
There are so many decisions to make, and all the while you just want to MAKE A DECISION and get on with the process!!
Rich & I both have taken this decision very seriously and prayerfully. When I first mentioned it to Rich I told him to really start praying about it. Every time we would talk for like two weeks I would ask him if God had talked to him yet?? Did he have the answers yet??? Then, on November 8th, God started talking to me.
Now when I say this...know that I am not the kind that thinks I can "hear" God in an audible voice. There have been very few times in my life when I felt 100% certain that God was nudging me to do something, and for some reason it's usually when the offering plate goes around. I will start to wright the check out and then I will "hear" God "nudging" me. It usually goes something like this...
getting my checkbook out, start to write the check
"ummmm, excuse me but that isn't 10%"
well I know Lord, but this week we are a little short
"put an extra zero on there"
and extra zero!!?? are you kidding me??
"I'm God, I don't kid"
but Lord, I don't have that money this week!!
"am I not God? do I not meet all of your needs? do I not provide all you need?"
So when I feel that "voice" of God, I really try to listen. On November 8th, Rich & I had both been praying about adoption for about two weeks. I thought surely God would talk to Rich first because he is a WAY better christian than I am, and well...I haven't been all that prayerful or even church-going-full over the past year. So when I felt that feeling...that one like God was talking to me...I really got excited. For about 2 seconds, then I started questioning myself and wondering if it was really God or just me, talking to myself, in my own head. In the end, God & I had a good talk that night. I was 100% certain of the answers He gave me. I knew what our next step was.
and then came the morning.
and the doubt.
We had made the decision to adopt from Ethiopia. After reading about a million blogs, and researching Ethiopian adoption I started my research on placement agencies. I sent some e-mails, requested some information and selected an agency. I felt good. I felt progress! Then I would read a blog about another family and wonder if their agency was better. I would send an email and request information. I would compare prices, procedures, trainings, etc... and doubt myself again.
Then I started to grasp the concept a bit more and realized that I needed a SECOND agency. A homestudy agency. And I started the requesting, the researching, the phone calls and the doubting all over again. One particular homestudy agency here in IL gave me the information that Ethiopia may be issuing a moratorium. Ensue MAJOR doubt and fear!!
At this point I start to freak out.
Can you even believe that I am freaking out about all of this stuff AND WE HAVENT EVEN SUBMITTED AN APPLICATION???
So if we choose international adoption, and that country issues a moratorium, all of our money and time is invested and we are on hold. NOTHING we can do about it. If that country stays closed, we lose our money. I never thought of this because WE HAVENT EVEN SUBMITTED AN APPLICATION and I havent even seen a contract.
So I'm freaking out, and I start to look into other options. Now remember God and I already talked this out. He already told me what to do, and now I'm going with plan B. I really don't think that God has a plan B. But plan A is scaring the hell out of me, and I'm freaking out, so I'm looking into plan B.
So I start looking into Embryo Adoption through Snowflakes. I had stumbled upon this blog many months ago and have been following their journey. This concept entered my mind and I did some research. I have read quite a bit of information and made several calls. You still use a homestudy agency and go through the Snowflake program to adopt the embryos. How awesome would it be to be pregnant and get to nurse your adopted child!!!?? I called our clinic in Springfield (who I LOVE) and they shot me down before I even said "Hello". They DO NOT accept embryos into their clinic. I was shocked. The lady was quite rude about the whole thing. I was so surprised. I thought it would be an easy Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET). Just using someone else's embryos. After MANY phone calls, I discovered that it is not simple at all. Many clinics don't accept frozen embryos into their clinic. The thought of having to find a new clinic makes me nauseous. I have been through sooooo much with infertility treatments. The though of having to start all of that over is not appealing. I found one clinic in Chicago that seemed to know a little bit about what I was explaining. I haven't had a lot of time to call all of the clinics on my insurance list. I'm trying to decided if this is something that we want to look into.
but honestly... I think my heart is already in Africa.
I know it will be harder. That is such an understatement!!! It will be harder in so many ways. It will be harder to justify to family and friends that say "why Africa??" "why don't you just adopt here in America?" It will be harder procedure wise. It will be harder to travel half way around the world. It will be harder to parent a child that did not grow inside me. It will be harder to raise a child that has a different color skin than the five of us do. It will be harder for that child to be accepted into our society. It will take twice as long. I know it will cost twice as much. Way more money than we have.
but I think that my heart is already in Africa...
Can I share with you that when you enter an adoption journey you need to be prepared to feel all kinds of crazy??? Is it just me? Are there people that enter this world cool, calm and collected and know just what to do? Do those same people ever doubt themselves? Do they ever feel overwhelmed? Confused? Scared?
I wish there was a way to KNOW what the right answer is!!! All I can do is keep praying and hope that God keeps moving me in the right direction. It would be so easy to just close the book midchapter and say "this is too hard". I have a wonderful life!! Three beautiful kids, a husband that is my best friend, a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, food in my fridge, a job that I love, friends that enrich my life, family to share Sunday dinner with. My life is good. And it's comfortable and it's easy. Why rock the boat?
but my heart has been broken for children in a country half the world away. And my heart aches for my daughter that I feel is there waiting for The Dixons to bring her home.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The Inside Scoop
I made a few more phone calls last night to a few more Home Study agencies. A few called me back today. One agency from Chicago gave me their program fees and told me a bit about their process. A process, I may add, that seems much more reasonable then the local agency. As I was talking to the director she asked me if I had heard the "recent news" coming out of Ethiopia. I had no idea if I had hear the most "recent news" as I all I have read is news news and more news about Ethiopia. She said there was a release yesterday about an investigation into 200 orphanages in Ethiopia and the agencies that work with them. 98% of the orphanages were out of compliance and according to this gal, the government is considering a moratorium in Ethiopia. I called our placement agency to see if there was any truth to this information and they had not heard anything of it. I then received a phone call from another Home Study agency (with wayyyyyyyyyy cheaper fees and reasonable process) and I asked them about it as well, and they too had not heard of it.
Later, Agency A called me about some questions I had and I asked her for further information on the moratorium. She said that tomorrow at 4pm they are having a conference call. She said there may be some changes coming, but there is no way to know until tomorrow. So we wait. I can wait till tomorrow. That's not a long wait. Just till tomorrow.
We are still waiting on 1040 forms (my fault, I am terrible at getting things to our accountant), requested forms from the insurance company stating that our adopted child can carry our insurance and a family photo. Hopefully all will go well with the conference call will go well and we can move forward with our paper submission next week!!
I've been blog stalking today to see if anyone else is in the know about the possible moratorium, and the blog world seems to be in the dark. I hope and pray and hope and pray that there is no validity in this. I scanned through other countries, and China is the only other country with an infant adoption program and their wait is 3+ years.
So we wait. :) We don't even have acceptance into the program and we are already waiting.
We have to submit a picture of the front of our house with our home study application, so tonight I leave you with this... the snow will be here before you know it!
Later, Agency A called me about some questions I had and I asked her for further information on the moratorium. She said that tomorrow at 4pm they are having a conference call. She said there may be some changes coming, but there is no way to know until tomorrow. So we wait. I can wait till tomorrow. That's not a long wait. Just till tomorrow.
We are still waiting on 1040 forms (my fault, I am terrible at getting things to our accountant), requested forms from the insurance company stating that our adopted child can carry our insurance and a family photo. Hopefully all will go well with the conference call will go well and we can move forward with our paper submission next week!!
I've been blog stalking today to see if anyone else is in the know about the possible moratorium, and the blog world seems to be in the dark. I hope and pray and hope and pray that there is no validity in this. I scanned through other countries, and China is the only other country with an infant adoption program and their wait is 3+ years.
So we wait. :) We don't even have acceptance into the program and we are already waiting.
We have to submit a picture of the front of our house with our home study application, so tonight I leave you with this... the snow will be here before you know it!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
The Home Study
So what is a Home Study? I am thinking that a home study is when a social worker comes over to the house and talks with us and the kids a few times, makes sure we have a clean house, food in the fridge and that we aren't crazy. Then she writes the report and we send it to the Agency. I'm thinking this takes, what, a month?? How long can it be?? I am thinking that I can get this paperwork done faster than any adoption in history. I am prepared to wait once we are ON THE LIST, but this side of the list... I can FLY though this paperwork. I can control this side of waiting, right?? I can get all of my paperwork filled out ASAP, get things notarized, postaged, faxed if possible, and push through to THE LIST. Right????
If you have been through this process you are laughing at me right now aren't you? So not funny.
I made a call last week to THE ONLY approved agency in my area. They never called back. So I called again today. I got a call back. This was the fabulous news they had for me... a homestudy is much more difficult than I knew. There are classes involved, group classes, individual classes, home visits, and approval from the state & federal government. We have to obtain a foster care license. We have to pass a marriage test. We have to have more classes about Hague accreditation. I need that class, cuz i have no idea what that even means.
The home study agency doesn't even have a class set up until February. That's in three months. They didn't care that I wanted the class to be tomorrow. They said it would take 6-8 weeks to process approval from both IL & Fed. That's a total of up to 4 months...just for approval from IL & Fed!!!! Not to mention the time that it will take to complete paperwork, take the classes, take the tests, have the social worker over at least twice and have her complete her assessment. She said to plan on at least 6 months. Ummmmmmmm, what?????? At least 6 months??? Are you crazy??? I was going to ROCK this side of waiting!!! I was going to OWN it!! And fly through it with my amazing direction and completion skills!! 6 months just for the home study. I have searched other blogs and I have never seen a home study take 6 months. Just my luck.
The Lord is obviously pulling rank early. He's obviously showing off and showing me who's boss.
There is also a application fee for the home study. I was prepared to pay the application fee for the agency ($300), but I had no idea we had to pay the home study agency an application fee too ($250). What if we aren't good enough? What if they don't approve us? Then we paid $550 in application fees and the additional $2800 home study fee???? It just doesn't make sense to me. I will be spending lots of time researching blogs tonight to see if this is normal.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Blogs
I think my eyes are bleeding. I'm sure if you have a blog about adoption, I've read it. I have read so many many blogs recently it's crazy!
In reading, I wonder if I will ever understand it all. I wonder if I will ever be able to keep all of this information straight. I also enjoy the different fund raising ideas. I struggle with asking people to help us pay for this adoption. No one has EVER helped us pay for anything. No one helped us pay for the birth of our other three children, so why would I ask now?? Well it is just a tad bit more expensive :). I am hoping to be able to come up with ideas so that I can give something, and in return that money will go to fund our adoption. I have three jobs that I do in my "spare time". Funds from Kreations by Kari and my Spa Business will go directly into our adoption fund. I am also a representative for Nature's Sunshine Vitamins & Herbs and any profit from that will also go into our adoption fund. I need to work on some direct links to my websites. I can be pretty crafty when I put my mind to it, so I want to have an etsy shop too. I have made some really cute tutus and I think I could sell those on etsy. I don't want to have a "benefit", but I do want to have a huge mega garage sale and I will take donated items for that. I was also thinking that I could have a vendor "Open House" and use the booth rental fee to go to the adoption fund as well. Many people have adoption T-Shirts. I love them, they are so cool, but who would buy a shirt from us? Do you buy a shirt only if you are adopting or do other people buy the shirt too. I think that is a great idea, but don't really understand how it works. I am hoping to make some "Cheer Mom" shirts for my daughter's cheer squad and using that money for adoption too. So I do have some ideas....but I guess it will be hard to start since we aren't really telling anyone about the adoption yet. :)
So what fundraising have you done? What worked for you? What was a waste of time?
In reading, I wonder if I will ever understand it all. I wonder if I will ever be able to keep all of this information straight. I also enjoy the different fund raising ideas. I struggle with asking people to help us pay for this adoption. No one has EVER helped us pay for anything. No one helped us pay for the birth of our other three children, so why would I ask now?? Well it is just a tad bit more expensive :). I am hoping to be able to come up with ideas so that I can give something, and in return that money will go to fund our adoption. I have three jobs that I do in my "spare time". Funds from Kreations by Kari and my Spa Business will go directly into our adoption fund. I am also a representative for Nature's Sunshine Vitamins & Herbs and any profit from that will also go into our adoption fund. I need to work on some direct links to my websites. I can be pretty crafty when I put my mind to it, so I want to have an etsy shop too. I have made some really cute tutus and I think I could sell those on etsy. I don't want to have a "benefit", but I do want to have a huge mega garage sale and I will take donated items for that. I was also thinking that I could have a vendor "Open House" and use the booth rental fee to go to the adoption fund as well. Many people have adoption T-Shirts. I love them, they are so cool, but who would buy a shirt from us? Do you buy a shirt only if you are adopting or do other people buy the shirt too. I think that is a great idea, but don't really understand how it works. I am hoping to make some "Cheer Mom" shirts for my daughter's cheer squad and using that money for adoption too. So I do have some ideas....but I guess it will be hard to start since we aren't really telling anyone about the adoption yet. :)
So what fundraising have you done? What worked for you? What was a waste of time?
I can finally say it!!
I went private for the time being so that I can finally say it!!!
We are adopting from Ethiopia!!!
Our daughter is there waiting for us. How weird is that?? How exciting is that?? How scary is that?? How sad is that??
We have talked to the kids at great length, we have prayed and prayed and prayed and we believe with all our hearts (all five of us) that this is God's plan. *exhale* I feel like I have been holding my breath for so long, waiting to see what is next. Waiting to feel complete, and here it is!!!!! It's soooooooooooooo exciting and all five of us are over the moon excited!!! Now to get the ball rolling!
We are submitting our application as soon as we have our tax papers and a family picture. I wanted to send it last week, but we dont have our 1040s from 2008 & 2009, so we are waiting on that. This is what is required for the initial application:
Basic Family information
Age Preference
Gender Preference
Arrest record
Counseling record
Mental status record
Proof of income (1040 tax form)
$300 non-refundable fee
Photocopy of marriage certificate
Family photo
Proof of insurance
From what I have read on other blogs we are looking at a wait of 16-20 months before our daughter is home!!! OMG can I possibly wait that long??? It will be approximately 12 months before we get a referral...an email that includes a picture and medical history of our child. Once we submit our application and get further information from the agency we will know more about our timeline!! I can't wait to get things moving!!!!!!
We won't be making any announcement until Christmas. I want to have more information from the agency so that I can better answer questions. I dread the questions. Normally, when you make that "We're pregnant!!" Christmas announcement, there are cheers and congrats. I anticipate many questions and that makes me sad. I just want everyone to be happy for us and as excited as we are. I want them to know that we didn't enter into this decision lightly, we researched. We prayed. We read. We prayed. We discussed it with eachother. We prayed. We discussed it with our kids. We prayed. We are not looking through rose colored glasses. We know that there will be bumps along the road. We know that there will be challenges and disappointments, but WE ARE SO EXCITED!! We are so excited to add to our family. This has been a want, a desire, a dream, for so long, and we finally have a light at the end of the tunnel!!
So just for today
...I want to look through my rose colored glasses and be excited. I don't want to think of the bumps and the challenges and the waiting...oh the waiting. Today I want to think of my daughter. And I will look through my rose colored glasses and wish that I could go get her tomorrow.
Seriously, God even assures me through Google Image that we are making the right decision. I google "Rose colored glasses image" and this is what I got. Looking through my glasses at the country of my girl.
We are adopting from Ethiopia!!!
Our daughter is there waiting for us. How weird is that?? How exciting is that?? How scary is that?? How sad is that??
We have talked to the kids at great length, we have prayed and prayed and prayed and we believe with all our hearts (all five of us) that this is God's plan. *exhale* I feel like I have been holding my breath for so long, waiting to see what is next. Waiting to feel complete, and here it is!!!!! It's soooooooooooooo exciting and all five of us are over the moon excited!!! Now to get the ball rolling!
We are submitting our application as soon as we have our tax papers and a family picture. I wanted to send it last week, but we dont have our 1040s from 2008 & 2009, so we are waiting on that. This is what is required for the initial application:
Basic Family information
Age Preference
Gender Preference
Arrest record
Counseling record
Mental status record
Proof of income (1040 tax form)
$300 non-refundable fee
Photocopy of marriage certificate
Family photo
Proof of insurance
From what I have read on other blogs we are looking at a wait of 16-20 months before our daughter is home!!! OMG can I possibly wait that long??? It will be approximately 12 months before we get a referral...an email that includes a picture and medical history of our child. Once we submit our application and get further information from the agency we will know more about our timeline!! I can't wait to get things moving!!!!!!
We won't be making any announcement until Christmas. I want to have more information from the agency so that I can better answer questions. I dread the questions. Normally, when you make that "We're pregnant!!" Christmas announcement, there are cheers and congrats. I anticipate many questions and that makes me sad. I just want everyone to be happy for us and as excited as we are. I want them to know that we didn't enter into this decision lightly, we researched. We prayed. We read. We prayed. We discussed it with eachother. We prayed. We discussed it with our kids. We prayed. We are not looking through rose colored glasses. We know that there will be bumps along the road. We know that there will be challenges and disappointments, but WE ARE SO EXCITED!! We are so excited to add to our family. This has been a want, a desire, a dream, for so long, and we finally have a light at the end of the tunnel!!
So just for today
...I want to look through my rose colored glasses and be excited. I don't want to think of the bumps and the challenges and the waiting...oh the waiting. Today I want to think of my daughter. And I will look through my rose colored glasses and wish that I could go get her tomorrow.
Seriously, God even assures me through Google Image that we are making the right decision. I google "Rose colored glasses image" and this is what I got. Looking through my glasses at the country of my girl.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Knock, Knock
Creeeeeeeek.
"Hello?"
"Hello? Is anyone here?"
*footsteps on the hardwood*
I stop. I look around. This place is a mess. Cobwebs hang from the corners. Dust on evey surface. Dust bunnies here and there on the floor. Dust hanging in the stagnant air. Windows so dirty the beautiful sunlight cannot get through. Furniture over turned, a piano that has stood unplayed. These walls have not heard music, or laughter, or seen fresh sunlight. A phone on the wall that has been ringing, but no one there to answer.
A naked bulb hangs from the socket.
If I pull the string, will it work? Will there be light? Can there be light again here? Am I ready to let the light in and truly see what a mess this place has become? Can my eyes adjust to the brightness again?
I reach up...
and I pull.
The bulb flickers.
and flickers again.
And I can hear the humming of electricity.
It's coming to life. Slowly igniting. Gradulaly buring. Dimness growing stronger into light.
There is still light here. There is still Life here. HE is still here.
We have a lot of cleaning up to do. But I'm here. I'm back. I'm still Waiting for His glory to be Revealed, but I feel a stirring. And I think I know where we are heading. I think we are standing right where He has planned it to be. In this place that is in need of care and attention, but where He designed in His time for us to be.
We are heading into an adventure. One that will take us places spiritually, emotionall and physically. Places so high and so low that I do not think I can even begin to prepare myself for. Want to come along?
"Hello?"
"Hello? Is anyone here?"
*footsteps on the hardwood*
I stop. I look around. This place is a mess. Cobwebs hang from the corners. Dust on evey surface. Dust bunnies here and there on the floor. Dust hanging in the stagnant air. Windows so dirty the beautiful sunlight cannot get through. Furniture over turned, a piano that has stood unplayed. These walls have not heard music, or laughter, or seen fresh sunlight. A phone on the wall that has been ringing, but no one there to answer.
A naked bulb hangs from the socket.
If I pull the string, will it work? Will there be light? Can there be light again here? Am I ready to let the light in and truly see what a mess this place has become? Can my eyes adjust to the brightness again?
I reach up...
and I pull.
The bulb flickers.
and flickers again.
And I can hear the humming of electricity.
It's coming to life. Slowly igniting. Gradulaly buring. Dimness growing stronger into light.
There is still light here. There is still Life here. HE is still here.
We have a lot of cleaning up to do. But I'm here. I'm back. I'm still Waiting for His glory to be Revealed, but I feel a stirring. And I think I know where we are heading. I think we are standing right where He has planned it to be. In this place that is in need of care and attention, but where He designed in His time for us to be.
We are heading into an adventure. One that will take us places spiritually, emotionall and physically. Places so high and so low that I do not think I can even begin to prepare myself for. Want to come along?
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