Gotcha Day

I cannot believe that the day is here.  I cannot believe that after all of the struggles and longing and praying...

Today we celebrate our own Gotcha Day.

At 5:30pm tonight, I will go pick up my Sweet Girl and she will be ours forever.

Because she is still under the care of the state until official adoption is finalized I cannot post identity revealing pictures.  I wish that I could share pictures of her sweet face and infectious smile.  I wish I could share a family picture with you but for now a few peeks...

We have had club volley ball games on Friday nights.  She was so good, even though the games ran late, way past her bedtime.  She is easily entertained with crayons, books and toys.

 Drew has started baseball and she went to his first game this weekend!

Today I am feeling overwhelmed with emotion.  I'm so excited, so full of love for this little soul that God has entrusted my to pour into and a little afraid of what the future holds. 

Lord I pray I do this right. I want to honor you and hold my family together. 

Yay for Spring!

We live in Illinois, so we have the severity of the changing of the seasons.  Cold, barren winters.  Snow.  Freezing temperatures.  The green grass of spring and the budding trees, the scorching heat of summer and the beautiful colors of fall.  Spring is one of my favorites.  I love, love, love the fresh green grass and it excites me to see the buds on the trees.  It seems like it's been forever since we have had leaves on the trees!  I love the warm up, windows open, sun still shining at 8pm.

The kids have a light sports load in spring.  Khloe is running Jr High track and playing on a volley ball league and Drew starts base ball practice tonight.  Kaitlyn has started volunteer work and appearances for her title of Miss Peoria Metro's Outstanding Teen.  It's busy, but not as bad a winter sports schedules!

Things are moving forward with our foster/adoption situation.  After four phone calls in one day, I finally got someone to call me back from the agency and I requested that something be put in writing for our visit schedules.  I felt this would help us to all be on the same page.  They were quick to get that done and out in the mail, I had the document the same week.  We have been approved for visits every weekend, picking up Friday night and dropping off at the sitters on Monday morning.  Phone calls and week night dinners are allowed as long as it works for both families.  The scheduled move date is May 24th!!  30 days from today!!  I am very excited and very much looking forward to it.  We did have our meeting with the agency counselor last Friday.  We thought we were going in to tell our girl that we would be her forever family and that we were adopting her.  We found out when we got there that wasn't the case.  It was a difficult appointment for our sweet girl and we all agreed that telling her she would be moving in with us would be a good place to start.  I think she is excited to be staying with us, but understandably, torn between missing her current foster family.  My heart breaks for her.  She has had a difficult life in her short 7 years.  I can't wait until she is home with us and knows that she will never be moved again.

We had her last weekend and she is such a breath of fresh air to me.  There are so many things I miss about having little ones around.  She and I took a walk with the wagon and she picked some "flowers" (dandelions) for "daddy".  It's been so long since someone gave me a bouquet of dandelions :)  We went to the park and swang on the swings.  It's been years since I have played at the park.  It's nice to have someone who wants to spend time with you :)  Our teenagers have their own agenda.

Last night we had Pizza and Play dough night!

 We had our girl over for dinner and a short play night.

Khloe & Sweet Girl were sharing a room.  The 14 year old decided she didn't want to share a room so we moved Khloe into our room, moved our room to the family room and the family room to the formal living room.  I spent all weekend last weekend moving rooms and rearranging.  I'm still trying to get things settled and catch up on laundry.  All of the rooms will be painted, so we will start on that project soon.  I'll post some before and after pics.  We have 30 days to get things settled.

Enjoy spring.  Breath the fresh air, go for a walk, go to the park, enjoy your days.

And It's April

WOW!  I cannot believe that April is already here!!  So much catching up to do on the blog!  Where to start?  My girl turns 14??  Easter?  Vacation?  Foster care?  So much going on!

Last week we spent a few relaxing days on the beach!!  The kids were on spring break so we took advantage of the time off and headed south.

 


Sand & freckles



We had a delicious Easter dinner.

We colored Easter eggs

My girl Khloe celebrated her 14th birthday!

Crepes for breakfast!



She wanted bright colors and Minnie Mouse :)

I simply cannot believe that she is 14.  These babies of mine are growing up waaaay too fast!!  She will be going to high school next year and to think of having two daughters in high school freaks me out!  Rich and I were talking about it on vacation and we feel really old!!  Khloe had a hard time being 13.  We saw a big change in her attitude and personality.  We have high hopes for 14!!

In my last entry I mentioned a 7 year old girl that we were contacted about.  We had our visit from the caseworker on 03/19/13.  Nothing to involved, she just wanted to meet our family and go over some details about the little girl's case.  She did happen to mention that the current foster family was going out of town and the little girl would be in respite the following week.  We offered to keep her for respite while the family was away.  We felt this would be some good quality time for us to get to know her better.  We did get together on 03/22/13 with her current foster family and go bowling.  I was a ball of nerves sitting there waiting for them to walk in.  It was a fun night.  The kids bowled, the adults talked.  I didn't get to close to her, as she had no idea what the event was for.  As far as she knew she was just bowling :).  The foster mom did tell her that she would be staying with us the next week while they were out of town.  She seemed a bit apprehensive about that and was clingy to her foster mom.  That made me nervous that she would be nervous/uncomfortable.scared at our house.  When the case worker brought her over, she made herself right at home.  She stayed with us from Tuesday until Friday.  I made arrangements with my office to work from home that week.  She is the sweetest, cutest most loving little thing you have ever seen!!  She was Khloe's shadow that week.  It was so cute.  She just slipped into our family like she had always been there.  The kids were in school so it was just her and I through the day. 

She is so well behaved and loves to color or draw.

She would slip her little hand in mine or just cuddle me on the couch and it would melt my heart!  I cannot explain the instant connection I felt having her in our family.  We had so much fun on our visit.  We made rice crispy squares.

I wish I could post the picture of her proud face holding the finished product!!  Such a sweet girl!!

I had asked her foster mom if I could get an Easter dress for her.  She was so gracious to let us do that!  Isn't this just the sweetest dress?  She picked it out and of course I had to make a matching hairbow! (I have gone a little hair bow crazy!)

I knew without a shadow of a doubt that we wanted to say YES to moving forward with becoming her forever family.  I contacted the agency on Thursday and asked if she could go on vacation with us!  We wanted to keep her as long as we could.  They said no, she couldn't miss school.  I explained that we wanted to move forward and that we would love for her to be placed with us as soon as possible.  I offered to drive her to her current school or babysitter each day.  The caseworker said she would meet with her supervisor but she didn't think that would be a problem.  We were hoping to have her with us when we returned from our vacation!  She does not know that we are a potential forever family for her.  I think she just thinks of us as "new friends".  I told her that we would like to see her when we got back from Florida.  She was excited about that.  She kept asking how many more days, how many more days until she could come back, etc.  So I made her a little calendar to take home with her.



The calendar showed when I was leaving, when I would be back and when I would call her when I was away.  We made plans to get together for dinner when we got home and invited her to stay with us again this weekend.  The agency has decided that she should remain in her current foster home through the end of the school year and slowly transition to us.  There has been some confusion as to when or how often we can spend time with her until then.  I want to spend as much time with her as possible and we even asked to see her this past weekend but were told that there had only been one visit "approved" for this month so we could not do that.  That is very confusing to me because originally the caseworker said we could see her any time we wanted as long as it worked out with the current foster family's schedule.  The foster mom is stuck in the middle between me texting and calling and the agency giving her guidelines that they aren't telling us.  I have called the agency three times today and no one has called me back.  I called the agency last Wednesday to schedule an appointment with the counselor as instructed by the caseworker.  I left a message and it was never returned.  I called again today and the counselor is on vacation this week. *sigh*  This was the visit that we would meet with the counselor and our new little girl and tell her that we want to be her forever family.  I guess that has to wait until next week.  Actually, I have no idea when they will say we can tell her.  My heart and mind are constantly on this little girl.  I feel like she is mine, like she belongs in our family and she is absent.  I wish she could have been there for our vacation.  I wish I could hear about her first day back to school, who she played with at recess, who she sat by at lunch.  I want to read her a story before bed and say her bedtime prayers.  I want her to be sitting with us at the dinner table and at the track meets.  I want her to be with us.

I have not heard back from the agency today.  I really want to clear up the confusion on the visits, how often we can see her, etc.  I hope to get this cleared up soon!  We miss her and want to spend as much time with her as we can!





Yep...that's why

These are the Moments

The past few months have been crazy around our house.  From January until last week, we literally had an event every single night.  My chiropractor usually gets a visit around this time of year due to my bleacher back!  Having three kids that are involved in many activities can make for busy days!  I have had many people ask why I don't make them cut back on their involvement, why we do it, why I feel like I have to be at every event, etc.  While the past few months have been insane, sometimes leaving the house at 8am and not getting home until 10:30pm, thousands of miles on the car, gas money that could be saved to put my kids through college, countless hours in the bleachers, wearing purple shirts for two months, sometimes wearing the same slacks to work two days in a row because I hadn't been home to do laundry, eating so much fast food it makes me ill to think about....


Kaitlyn is crowned 2013 Miss Peoria Metro Outstanding Teen and advances to compete for Miss Illinois Outstanding Teen in the Miss America Organization.  Khloe finishes out her 8th grade season of volley ball and celebrates on 8th grade night.  Drew completes a very successful basket ball season and sees the end of Park District ball with his team.





but these are the moments.  These are the successes.  The reached goals.  The friendships and relationships that they will make along the way.  The memories that will last a life time.  The confidence gained.  The structure needed.  The hard work paid off.  The hours invested worth it.  This is why I do it.

I will be there for my kids.  I will sit in the stands, I will sit in the hard bleachers 7 days a week, I will scream louder than the other moms, I will embarrass you when I yell your name, I will always be there.

Right now we are in the season of go go go.  They are all three moving in fast forward in three different directions.  It can make one weary and tired and it can even make a husband feel a little left out.  These days will soon be over.  I am blessed to have these little souls with me for such a very short time.  One day, and it will come sooner that I like, they will move on with their lives and it will be just me and Rich.  One day, they will be gone and I won't have car pool to drive or games to be at, so for now, I will be at every one.  So for now, I will soak it all in and be thankful that I am able to encourage them to be successful and chase their dreams and let them now that I will be there every step of the way supporting them.

We had a very exciting weekend as Kaitlyn was crowned 2013 Miss Peoria Metro Outstanding Teen!  This is a local preliminary pageant for the Miss America Organization.  She will go on to compete for the state title in June!  So proud of her!

 We were pulled over for a taillight that was out and this cop was great!!  He let us off with a verbal warning since we were "escorting royalty".  It was such a funny moment!

 After winning the crown on Saturday night, we were off to St. Louis to attend the Miss Midwest local pageant as visiting royalty.

Last night may have been the first time in WEEKS we have had a home cooked meal, and my family room may look like this... 

but life is good and my heart is full.

In the land of fostercare...

We have had the boys the past few weekends.  Last weekend we invited them to come spend the night and go to Drew's last basket ball game.  This past weekend their Aunt had a trip planned before they came to her so we kept them this past weekend as well.  It was good to see them again and we all enjoyed spending time with them!  They were so cute at Kaitlyn's pageant!  They were so excited for her!

I had heard nothing from the agency in over two weeks about the 7 year old girl.  I do not understand why it is so hard for them to communicate.  I left a very direct message yesterday morning requesting an update by the end of the day and they called me right away.  I was able to speak with the foster mom yesterday and we will set up a time to meet with the current foster family and the little girl soon.  The caseworker will be coming to the house next week to meet us and do a check on the house.  I'm not sure where this will go but we want to be open to possibilities.

Kait is a lead in her high school's musical this weekend.  She is the Fairy Godmother in Cinderella.  I hope it is a huge success!  Next week, basket ball is over, volley ball is over, cheer is over, play is over, pageant is over...I'm not sure what I will do with myself!!

Happy February

Valentines Day fun and crafts!

Happy february all!  Looks like I'm making a pit stop just once here this month.  January and February have been so busy for us!  Kait is cheering for high school basket ball and practicing for the upcoming school musical, Khloe is finishing her 8th grade year of volley ball and Drew is playing basket ball every weekend and practicing through the week.  We have literally been sitting in the bleachers 7 days a week!  It's been very busy.  Rich and I were both sick, fighting Influenza, sinus infections and ear infections.  Neither on of us get sick often, but this is how we spent Valentines Day...

Poor guy.  A round of antibiotics for us both and we are finally feeling better.  He was sick for over a month!  Not fun at all.

My mom was going through some old pictures and these were a few of my favorites...

 Look how sweet those babies are!!

We have seen the boys briefly since they went to stay with their Aunt.  Things for us have been so busy, it's been dificult to make the time.  I did invite them to come over this weekend and spend the night and go to Drew's final tournament with us.  Then next weekend we are keeping them for the weekend while their Aunt is out of town.

Since the boys left, things had been quiet on the foster care front, which was fine with me as we are so busy running right now.  I did get a call yesterday about a possible placement.  The situation is for a 7 year old that they are looking to place in an adoptive home.  She has been in a foster home for two years and the Center is looking for adoptive home placement.  7 is out of our age range...but after talking with Rich I think we are going to meet her and see how things go.  Adoptive is forever, so that is a scary step.  Prayers appreciated.

Just Guess

Just take a wild guess at who is rumored to be pregnant.  Remember this mess?  Where the whole foster care journey started.  Yeah, her.  She's rumored to be pregnant.  I'm not holding my breath, jumping through hoops or participating in any steakouts this time.  A baby will have to literally fall in my lap!

Revealed Glory

Peter 4:12-13- Do not be surprised at the painful trial that you are suffering as though something strange were happening to you, but rejoice that you participate in the suffering of Christ so that you will be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. This is the journey of our family. Attempting to fulfill the desire to grow our numbers while remaining in God's will. These entries are my thoughts, my questions and my fears.

When I started this blog in 2006 I was on a journey.  I was in my 20s I had a five year old, a seven year old and a nine year old.  This was my first post http://revealedglory.blogspot.com/2006/11/questions-with-and-without-answers.html  and here were my babies

It's hard to believe that this is where we are today.



Wow!  Time flies!  It really really does.  This blog has documented a seven year journey.  Mostly our quest for another child.  It documents my fears, my heartache, my yearning to be a mother to many.  I have poured out my heart, I have shared my struggles.  It's documented here in these pages.  This blog is like a book.  It is filled with pages, seems to be written in the chapters of our lives.  This blog has documented our search for God's will.  "Waiting for His Glory to be Revealed".  That has been our title and that verse has been my mantra.  Peter 4:12-13- Do not be surprised at the painful trial that you are suffering as though something strange were happening to you, but rejoice that you participate in the suffering of Christ so that you will be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

We suffered many trials.  The passed seven years have brought us trials and blessings as well.  For many years my infertility defined my every day and my every decision.  I was suffering painful trials.  I was waiting for the day that I would get pregnant and "Reveal His Glory", but that day never came.  A year ago I was finally in a place that I could peacefully agree to a hysterectomy that has improved my health in more ways than one, yet I was still "Waiting".  We considered pursing adoption, we decided to pursue foster care.  I was "Waiting".  I was "Waiting" for God to make my life complete by giving me another child.  Filling that need for another child.  Completing me and completing my family by giving us another child.

I remember exactly where I was when the feeling came over me.  I remember what I was doing, and how I felt.  I am 35 years old.  I have been married for 17 years to my best friend.  I have three beautiful, healthy children.  I have a good job, working vehicles, a beautiful home, a full belly, a loving supportive extended family, awesome friends...

I had everything I needed.

It was enough.  It was exactly what God had designed for me.  and I was ok.

In that moment, I was fulfilled.

Maybe it's my age.  Maybe it's the peace that I have begged and begged God for.  Maybe it's His perfect timing.  All I know is that it was Revealed.

God's Glory was Revealed and I had it.  I have it every day in these faces.

God's Glory is Revealed in Drew.  Drew who has challenged me more as a mom than my girls ever did.  My son who runs and jumps and rolls everywhere, never walking.  My son who will ask a thousand questions that require and answer, not a yes or ummhmmm.  My son that wonders why and how.  My son that prefers riding his bike or shooting hoops over any video game.  My son that will still let me rub his ears when no one is watching.  He struggles with impulse control, watching his mouth and being kind.  He is my baby and brings so much joy to my life.  My son that has ADHD shows me God's Glory every day.

God's Glory is Revealed in Kaitlyn.  My Kait who is growing into a very independent beautiful young lady.  My oldest who thinks she is going to get her driver's license this year.  The girl that scares the life out of my every time I drive with her behind the wheel.  My daughter that shines on stage with her beauty and her confidence.  My cheerleader with so much pep and always a big smile on the floor.  My intelligent girl, who needs to try just a bit harder to see her true potential in the classroom.  My oldest who made me a mommy for the first time.  My daughter that shows me God's Glory every day.

God's Glory is Revealed in Khloe. My Liz who has found being 13 difficult.  My girl that is always stuck in the middle.  My child with the biggest heart.  She may not always show it, but she loves bigger than the rest.  My daughter that is finding her confidence, on and off the court.  My smart Liz, who doesn't give herself enough credit in the classroom but has a bit too much smarty pants in my house.  My middle child who says she's moving to Colorado, but I'm sure will stay close always.  My daughter that Reveals God's Glory every day.

And God's Glory is revealed in my husband and my marriage.  It hasn't ever been easy for us.  We have had many hard times, but God has ALWAYS seen us through.  If you want to see trials and struggles and God's Glory revealed...look at us.  This man is my best friend, even if he drives me crazy.  He knows me and he gets me and he loves me, no matter what.  God has blessed us with a job close to home so that Rich can be home with us and be an active part of our lives.  That has been a huge blessing.  My marriage and my husband Reveal God's Glory to me every day.

God's Glory is all around me, all the time.  In a child, in a husband, in a marriage, in a moment, in a feeling in a prayer, in a victory and even in a trial.  God has richly blessed me.  I thank Him every day.  I am so very thankful to be able to say that I see it.  I see it now.  I see God's Glory.  It is revealed.  and it is Well With My Soul.

Welcome to the next chapter in our lives.  God's Glory Revealed.  Living it and Loving it.

Bittersweet

The passed 18 days have been difficult, rewarding, challenging, tender, frustrating, full, and much more.  These boys have had challenges in their lives and their behaviors show that.  Mixing their issues with our family has been a challenge.  There have been fights and arguments, attitudes and eye rolls, but there have also been unexpected hugs, smiles, and lots of squishy hand holding.  I will miss these boys.  They have taught me much in 18 days.

Tomorrow the boys go to stay with an Aunt.  Family is always the best placement.  I hope that she will let us be involved in their lives.  I told the boys last night that we would be friends forever.  I hope that is true.  We will tell them tonight that they are moving.  I don't know what to expect.  I hope it goes well.

A very good friend said it best..."It will be difficult for them to leave, but impossible for them to stay."

Day 12

Monday, January 14th I received a call at 11:00am.  Turns out the boys were placed in a relative placement for the weekend while DCFS completed their investigation.  Monday the investigator felt that she had enough evidence to remove the boys from the home.  The relative didn't feel that they could provide a home long term, so the caseworker called me and asked me if I could pick the boys up today.  The caseworker said she didn't know a lot about the boys but knew that they were "really sweet boys".  I asked my questions...were there special needs, what was the reason for removal, had they been in placement before...

This was it.
This was THE CALL.
This is what I had been waiting for.

I talked to my boss, made a few arrangements and was out of my office in about 20 minutes.  I wasn't sure what time I needed to meet the investigator so I went home to try and figure out where I was going to put 3 boys.  I had a set of bunk beds in Drew's room and two beds in Khloe's room that were white wooden twin beds.  I moved the white sleigh bed into Drew's room and put the fire truck quilt on it and it worked just fine.

They called around two and said to head to the hospital to meet the investigator and the Healthworks agent and pick up the boys.  My heart was beating so fast!  I prayed and prayed on my 20 minute drive.  I prayed God's blessing over this decision, I prayed His comfort for the boys, I prayed peace and strength for me and Rich, I prayed for acceptance for my kids, I prayed that I would be His tool and His light.  Once I pulled into the ER I could see them through the window and my heart beat faster.

What do I say?  God I hope I can smile without shaking. What questions am I supposed to ask?  What if I forget their names?  How will they act? 

As I came in I saw a very angry boy sitting in a corner chair with red rimmed eyes and a small boy with buzzed hair bouncing around the room drinking a diet Mt. Dew.  The investigator introduced me, the older boy refused to look at me or talk to me.  They quickly went over health information and put the boys in my SUV and I was driving down the interstate 20 minutes later.

Soon I was picking my kids up from school with two extra little guys in the back seat!  What a surprise for my kids!

It has been 12 days.  Rewarding, challenging, exhausting, trying, full days.  There was a lot of information that was not disclosed to us prior to the placement.  The oldest has a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder and has presented with many challenges.  He requires constant supervision and a very strict schedule to avoid meltdowns or outbursts of anger.  The agency is looking into possible relative placement.

Isn't he precious?

Going from 3 to 5 kids overnight has had challenges but has also forced us to be much more scheduled.  We are in full swing of basketball, volleyball, cheerleading and play right now so we are VERY busy.  So far, busy has been good for the kids.  The boys like to pay video games and would do it 100% of the time if we would let them.  We don't pay a lot of video games in our house, so that has been a challenge as well.

My new normal

We will know today if the boys are staying with us or going to live with a relative.  I have been praying and praying that God's will will be done and that the decision the agency reaches will be the best for the boys.  We hope to stay involved in their lives and provide support & respite to the relative if they do decide to move them.  I would love it if you would pray along with us.

No Go...take 5

The case worker called and said that the investigator was in the home and they created a safety plan and the children would remain in the home.  I'm not sure I want to know what a safety plan is.

It's a good thing that the state is working with families to keep the kids with their parents.  Kids with their parents is usually the best for all involved.

It works out.  I wasn't sure where I would put three boys anyway.

Another call

We got a call for 5 year old and 10 year old boys today.  Licensing worked asked if we could take placement today.  I said yes, depending on some background.  She said the investigator was on her way to the house and that the case worker would call me with more information if a home was needed.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Can you even believe it is 2013??  I know I can't!  It seems like November was a blur and I did my best to soak up every moment of December!  When I look at pictures from 2012 they seem like they were years ago.  So much has changed in our family this year.

That picture seems like it was years ago and it was just April 2012!

And this picture...was taken in June when we went to pick Khloe up from a 10 day stay in Florida with a friend.  It was only 7 month ago that I saw the ocean, or could afford to buy airline tickets for Rich & I to go pick up Khloe in Florida.  It seems like so long ago.  Our lives have changed so much in the passed 6 months.

Christmas was beautiful.  There was no trip this year, but I made an extra effort to soak it all in and cherish each moment.

We are missing our time with Miss Bella.  she has been spending more time at home, which is a good thing, but we miss her so much!

This was an awesome day!  We took a whole morning and just made cookies!  Love the memories!



These were some of my favorite shots from our Christmas card.

It was good. 

I can't help but wonder what God has in His plan for me in 2013.  I'm certainly not where I thought I would be.  I thought that we would have foster kids.  I never dreamed we would still have an empty rental house that is eating away our finances.  I couldn't have imagined that Rich would be working close to home and coming home every night after work.  I didn't anticipate a diagnosis of ADHD in my son and all the challenges that would bring.

As I look into 2013 I have some goals.  Not resolutions, simply things that I want to achieve in 2013.  I want to keep my house clean.  I love FlyLady!  I tried her system a while back and I just wasn't ready to commit.  After our large renovations in 2012 I have gotten rid of a lot of clutter and feel I can do better this time around.  I have been diligent at shining my sink and did a superb job on Saturday!

Blogger is having some problems with their uploads, sorry so blurry.

I want to try to slow down.  Not run as much.  Not always have 100 places to be.  I want to be more intentional about the time I spend with my kids.  More intentional in my prayers for them.

Things on the foster care front are just weird.  I called our licensing worker last week to schedule our 60 day monitoring visit and she randomly said she was going to call me about a placement.  It seems the only time she is going to call me about a placement is when I rattle her cage and call her and remind her that I am still here with three empty beds.  According to her some family stepped forward and they ended up not needing placement.  Imagine that.  Another here are kids that need a home...oh nevermind.  She said that we were the only home that they currently had that could take a placement for three kids.  That spurred some discussion between Rich and I this weekend.  We are technically licensed for three kids, but when we said we would take three it was meant for the extreme case of siblings that would be placed together.  I have a call into the agency to speak with them about the specifics of our placement status.  I think we are going to update them on what currently works for our family and if we don't have a placement by the end of this month then we will change agencies.  I think we have given this agency plenty of opportunity.

For today, I will enjoy my kids and my day to day.  I have very busy week of basket ball, cheerleading, volley ball and a few dinners with girlfriends.  For today, I will enjoy my life to the fullest.