9dpiui

Noting new to report. I am feeling totally normal, nothing different. I did receive my progesterone number today and it was 58, which means nothing for me. I usually have a really high progesterone. 39 last month, over 60 the month before. I’m feeling totally normal. I think I am going to enter my girls into a little local pageant this weekend, so my week will hopefully fly by with making plans for that and Friday’s beta will be here before I know it!!

Miracles

http://mylostandfoundoflife.blogspot.com/

I have shared things from this blog in my blog before. I went for an update today and found myself a mess of tears. Allison's constant strength has always amazed me. I am thankful for the testimony that I have found through her blog. Don't give up on your dreams because dreams really do come true. Congratulations to Allison and her family.

GIFT

As I was reading the information in the last post, I noticed the GIFT process. I did not know what the GIFT procedure was, so I looked it up. Here is the info.

Gamete intrafallopian transfer
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Gamete intrafallopian transfer (GIFT) is a tool of assisted reproductive technology against infertility. Eggs are removed from a woman's ovaries, and placed in one of the Fallopian tubes, along with the man's sperm. The technique, which was pioneered by endocrinologist Ricardo Asch, allows fertilization to take place inside the woman's body.
Many specialists in infertility would look at GIFT as a procedure that is outdated (2004) as pregnancy rates in IVF tend to be equal or better and do not require laparoscopy.[citation needed]
Contents[hide]
1 Method
2 Indications
3 Success rate
4 See also
5 External links
//

[edit] Method
It takes, on average, four to six weeks to complete a cycle of GIFT. First, the woman must take a fertility drug to stimulate egg production in the ovaries. The doctor will monitor the growth of the ovarian follicles, and once they are mature, the woman will be injected with Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG). The eggs will be harvested approximately 36 hours later, mixed with the man's sperm, and placed back into the woman's Fallopian tubes using a laparoscope.

[edit] Indications
A woman must have at least one normal fallopian tube in order for GIFT to be suitable. It is used in instances where the fertility problem relates to sperm dysfunction, and where the couple has idiopathic (unknown cause) infertility. Some patients may prefer the procedure to IVF for ethical reasons, since the fertilization takes place inside the body.

[edit] Success rate
As with most fertility procedures, success depends on the couple's age and the woman's egg quality. It is estimated that approximately 25-30% of GIFT cycles result in pregnancy [1], with a third of those being multiple pregnancies.

I have to admit that my heart skipped a beat while reading this. One more step, but still within our comfort zone. I can't believe I have never looked into this before. Perhaps an option for us.

Crampy

I have been having some crampy feelings since the IUI. AF like pains. The RE told me to watch for this and a feeling of being bloated because I am at risk for over stimulation of the ovaries. I found some info on the Follistem website. I will keep an eye on it and if it gets worse, I will have to go in for another u/s.

Risks and successes
Risks
While complications of intrauterine insemination (IUI) are infrequent, they can include:
Infection
Brief uterine cramping
Transmission of venereal disease (with AID/TDI unless appropriately screened)
Risks of the controlled ovarian hyperstimulation can include:
Multiple pregnancy
Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) OHSS is a serious medical problem that can happen when the ovaries are overstimulated. In the rare case, it has caused death. OHSS causes fluid to build up suddenly in the stomach and chest areas. Call your healthcare professional right away if you get any of the following symptoms:
· Severe pelvic pain (lower stomach area) ·Nausea ·Vomiting ·Sudden weight gain ·Reduced urine output
In cases where three or more follicles develop to a size greater than 14 millimeters, there is a risk of multiple pregnancy, which could mean abandoning treatment or in some cases, changing the treatment from IUI to an IVF cycle. Multiple pregnancies are associated with higher rates of pregnancy loss and lower birth-weight babies, as well as babies with greater social difficulties. Drug treatment is always monitored, because too high a dose of a drug can cause excessive stimulation of the ovaries, which may be noticed as pain in the abdomen.
Successes
The success rates of superovulation and IUI are between 10% and 20% per cycle, provided that the male partner's sperm count is within normal limits and the female's tubes are healthy. Doctors might try four cycles of IUI and if these are not successful, then they may recommend other methods, such as in vitro fertilization (IVF) or gamete intrafallopian transfer (GIFT). Unlike IVF or GIFT, IUI doesn’t involve difficult egg collection or general anesthetic, and is currently a popular and quite successful treatment method for infertility.

Tagged

I was tagged a long time ago by Becky, and never fulfilled my end of the bargain. Boss is gone today, so I had some time. Here ya go!

7 Things....
~The rules are to link the person who sent this to you and leave a comment on their blog so their readers can visit yours.
~Post the rules on your blog
~Share 7 strange/weird facts about yourself
~Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, linking their blog~Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

1. My brain visualizes everything. If I know you in real life I have most likely pictured you naked. I can’t help it, my brain just does it. If you tell me you have a hemorrhoid, I may vomit on your shoes because my brain instantly pictures it.

2. My house is always a cluttered mess, but my linen cabinet and cupboards have to be arranged. Towels by color and they all have to be folded the same with the seams to the back of the closet, and the cupboards have to be arranged by category with all fruits in one row, veggies in another, soups, etc…

3. My nails are very long. I usually have to trim them because they will get so long that they interfere with typing and things like that.

4. I am turning into my mother (God help me!) I cannot sleep well anywhere else but my bed. When I was younger, I could sleep anywhere. Now, only my bed.

5. I have a head tremor. No one has been able to figure out why, no medication helps it. It’s like I am constantly shaking my head “no”. Sometimes the kids will ask me something, and while I am thinking about my answer they will ask “whhhhyyyy?”, because they think I have shook my head no.

6. I did not see the ocean until I was 25. My brother who is 27 still has not seen the ocean. My grandma McCoy is 80 and she has never seen the ocean. I am captivated by the ocean. On a beach next to the ocean is my favorite place to be. Everyone should see the ocean.

7. I have to sleep with a pillow between my knees. The feeling of my knees rubbing together makes me crazy.

TAGGED randomly:
http://misty-ajourneythroughsurrogacy.blogspot.com/
http://operation-baby.blogspot.com/

I only know these few, and I know Cherie has done this before.

3dpiui

This is a picture from a few years ago, but don't we look great!!

Nothing to exciting going on here. I started the progesterone vaginal suppositories today. Ick! They make me feel like I peed my pants!

I have been doing some research on low sperm counts. I think that if we don’t get pregnant this cycle we are going to have Rich tested for retrograde ejaculation. Here’s a little info taken from Wikipedia… Normally the sphincter of the bladder contracts and the sperm goes to the urethra towards the area of least pressure. In retrograde ejaculation this sphincter does not function properly. Diagnosis is usually by way of a urinalysis performed on a urine specimen that is obtained shortly after ejaculation which will have an abnormal level of sperm within it.
Retrograde ejaculation may cause a couple to experience problems such as infertility, as most sperm do not get to the vagina and the rest of the female reproductive system. As a method to induce pregnancy, the retrograde ejaculator's urine is centrifuged and the isolated sperm is then injected into the woman.
Around 40% of sufferers from retrograde ejaculation have found that use of pseudoephedrine (brands names include Sudafed) noticeably improves the quantity of ejaculate.[citation needed] The tricyclic antidepressant imipramine has also been used as an effective treatment for retrograde ejaculation. It must be noted that both medications have links to erectile dysfunction, pseudoephedrine being the frontline treatment for priapism. People with erectile dysfunction and retrograde ejaculation (not uncommon in those with diabetes) are strongly advised to seek medical advice about the best 'dual' treatment methods available to them, i.e. combining pseudoephedrine or an alternative with an erectile dysfunction treatments such as sildenafil.

This would explain the variation of the numbers in the sperm count. The first “pulse” of an ejaculation contains 80% of the sperm. If that first “pulse” is going into the bladder, that is why we are getting low counts. Something to look into.

Researching already

I've hit the net already researching. I have googled many things, one question being 'how long after insemination does fertilization occur?' The answer is about 24 hours with implantation 5-7 days later. I found this site http://www.fertilitytoday.org/frequent_questions.html and there are many questions here about IUI and IVF. Great site.

IUI #4, Are we there yet??

Original Count:
Motility: 1st IUI 29% 2nd IUI 45%, 3rd IUI 44%, today 45%
Morphology: 1st IUI 54% 2nd IUI 83%, 3rd IUI 62%, today 58%
Count: 1st IUI 19.4 million 2nd IUI 30 million, 3rd IUI 12.8 million, today 8.4 million

Final Count after processing:
Motility: 1st IUI 43% 2nd IUI 65%, 3rd IUI 44%, today 36%
Morphology: 1st IUI 65% 2nd IUI 83%, 3rd IUI 66%, today 52%
Count: 1st IUI 30.2 million 2nd IUI 117.2 million, 3rd IUI 17.4 million, today 19.4 million

Count today was not fabulous. The final count was actually better post wash than the month before, so that was encouraging to see. It is hard not to get discouraged when you are sitting on the table all ready for the insemination and they hit you with such low numbers. Rich felt really frustrated, and I did my best to encourage him. We have done a lot to try to bring his count up, I just don't know what else to do. I prayed a lot yesterday and again this morning as we were on our way there. I prayed a lot after the insem while I waited the 10 minutes to get up. I just don't know what else there is to do.

As we were driving home I found myself going down the what if road. I found myself trying to justify IVF and talking through how it could work and what we could do. I was getting very worked up and frustrated. Then the notion of one-day-at-a-time came over me. I was fighting battles that haven't even started. As Granny would say, borrowing trouble. I frequently do that, and I am going to try to stop. When I find myself looking ahead, I am going to do my best to live in the moment and look only as far as today. Perhaps that will save some of my sanity.

I will end this post with the prayer that Kait said last night. What a precious girl she is. I know that she keeps this in her prayers. This simple prayer from my 10 1/2 year old brought tears to my eyes.
"Dear God, I pray that you be with us and help my mom have a baby. I'm asking you for a girl, but I'll take what you give me. If I can't have a girl, I'm asking for a boy, but I will take what you give me. If I can't have a boy, I am asking for one boy and one girl, twins, but I will take what you give me. So really God, I'll take what you give me. Amen"

Just call me hoppy

I feel like a walking Easter Basket! I had the u/s this morning, there were two "mature" follicles measuring 18mm & 21mm. I had several "medium" follicles measuring 15mm, 14mm, 14mm, 14mm and a few small ones 12mm, 10mm, 10mm. I was hoping for 4 mature follicles, I'm not sure what we got. I had the trigger shot this morning and we will be doing the IUI at 9am tomorrow. I was thinking of giving myself a little boost of Follistem tonight, to help those "medium" ones grow a bit, but I thought that may be a bit to risky. I am hoping and praying that Rich's numbers are good tomorrow. He has been taking all of those herbs and vitamins for a month, I am excited to see the results in high numbers tomorrow!!

Relaxation is going to be key again. I am going to try to take it easy for the rest of the weekend, and relax in the 2ww. The 2ww is always such insanity. I have done really good the past few cycles, I am hoping to continue that. No testing, no obsessing over the numbers.

Here he is!!!!!

Here is the Snowman getting all the action!!

He is so cute! He dances and shakes his booty!

This is the booty that we practice on!

Kait did the shot again last night, and again I got a double poke. She did it the first time and it did a little *sucking in of breath sound* and so she jerked back and pulled it out. Again, we were both laughing. I told her just to go for it, no matter what sound I make. So she did it again, and I injected the 75iu. Back to the RE tomorrow for a look with the vaggie cam to see if we are ready!! I hope we don’t run into Sunday because my RE isn’t open on Sunday and I don’t like their protocol for a Sunday ovulation.

Update

Estradiol level was 588. I have no clue what that means, but she said it was good. They are cutting back my dosage. 75iu tonight and 50iu tomorrow with another u/s on Friday. Looks like possible IUI on Saturday!

Pokin' the Snowman

Well, the snowman got some more pokin’ last night! I got home from the gym, and I was getting the kids through the shower. I was standing in my kitchen thinking that it was time for my shot. I thought that I would just do it right then and there, do it quickly and get it over with! So I got everything ready… and I stood there and stood there and stood there! Grrrr! This is SO silly!!! I knew that I was not going to be able to do it, so Kait and I had a briefing with the snowman! She did a great job! So then it came time for the shot. I told her to count to three and then poke it in, so she did. She said “Ok Mommy, here we go! One, two, three!” And she poked it in and pulled it right back out!! Ahh!! I said “Kait! (As I am laughing so hard!) You need to leave it in so that I can push the medicine in!” She was like “Well that is how we practiced, and that is how I always get shots at the doctor’s office!” It was so funny! We were both laughing! So we went for poke #2 and she did great, so did Mommy! So now we have a total of 600 units of Follistem on board. That is about $450.00 worth! Shesh! I don’t know yet if my insurance is going to reimburse me. I sent them a bill for over $1300.00 worth of medication.

I had my appt this morning with the RE. Things looked good on the u/s. She measured 2 follies on the left and 6 on the right. They took the blood and said to call back after 1 for instructions. She asked if Rich was going to be around this week and I told her that he was away now, but as soon as he was needed, he would come home. So I am thinking that we will have the IUI Friday or Saturday. Just a guess. I will update when I get further information later today, and I am going to try to find my camera so that I can post a pic of the snowman!!

U/S today

I'm writing tonight from one of our old computers, so I thought I would include a picture that was stored on here from years ago. Look how little the kids look!! This must have been in 2004.

I had an u/s this morning. The doc was running 35 minutes late! Uggg! I schedule my appointments for first thing in the morning so that I don't have to miss to much work. I didn't get into work until 10:15 today! All went fine with the u/s. Today was only 3 days worth of meds, so it's really too early to tell how many follies we will end up with. He measured about 4 or so on each side. They did the estrogen draw and said that looked good, to stay on the same dose of the Follistem. I go back on Wednesday for the next u/s. My friend Micky did my shot tonight! Ha! I'll let just about anyone do it so that I don't have to!! I'll let you know how things look on Wednesday. We should know more then.

Rich poked me tonight!

Now get your minds out of the gutter!!!! Yes, Rich poked me tonight... for my shot!! He gave me an injection for the first time tonight! I had my first injection last night, my friend Dixie administered it in the bathroom at a Christian Marriage Conference! We were so afraid we were going to get caught shooting up in the bathroom!!!!

So tonight, I was trying to do the shot, I was stalling as usual. Rich was sitting on the couch next to me taking his 9 vitamins. (He has been taking these herbs and vitamins to boost his sperm count, what a team player!!) He was laughing saying that if someone were to look in our windows they would have quite a show. Me sitting there trying to inject myself, and Rich popping pills! LOL Again, I just could not do this injection. Rich offered to do it, but I was afraid that he would be to rough, so I made him do a trial run on the snowman. I made him show me how he would inject me by sticking the snowman! HA!! We got quite a kick out of that!! So he passed his snowman injecting test, so I let him poke me! He did a great job.

cd...what?

I’m not sure what cycle day I would be considered. With the bump in the road this cycle, being put on birth control pills to stall ovulation giving the cyst time to go away… I’m just not sure where that puts me. I went in today for the follow up u/s to check on the cyst and it is gone! Yay!! So nothing today or tomorrow, and I start injections on Friday. She has bumped me from 75u to 100u. I’m excited about that. I am hoping for 4 follies!

I am getting pregnant this cycle… and it will be twins! That is my mantra! That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it!! When I went to visit my friend that had her surro-twins last weekend, they put both of those babies in my arms at the same time, and it just fit. It was a tiny slice of heaven for just a moment. A glimmer of what my future could be. I had a friend e-mail me today and ask how I was. She asked if I had a silver lining, if I had any glimmers of hope. I’m hanging onto that moment. That moment when I held those two precious babies… it is my silver lining for now. That moment is my hope.

Pierre and Maslin

The surro-babies that Misty delivered on 02/14/08

IVF

Babies, babies, everywhere! I have been surrounded by babies this week. My friend Misty (see side bar for blog link) had her surro-twins on Valentines day. Congrats to her! A friend of mine from the infertility boards, Amanda, had her baby today. Congratulations Amanda & her DH on the birth of Brady. He is sooooooooo cute!!!! A friend from work had her first grandbaby today. Congratulations Grandma Shelly!!!! I was sitting on the couch last night with Rich when I got the two texts from two friends going into labor. I knew that Misty was probably very close, and I was doing fine dealing with all of my emotions, then I got the texts from both friends, back to back... and proceeded to have a melt down. I went through my usual questions, why this, why that, I don't understand, blah blah blah. Poor Rich was here with a wet shoulder, again. In the midst of all of the tears, he was reassuring me that one day we would have our baby and that it will happen for us, and he said that if I really wanted to do IVF we could. The poor sweet guy, he wants so bad to be able to make it all better.

IVF is not for us. I know that, but lately have lost sight of that a few times. IVF is not for us, and this is why. First and foremost, we believe that if God wants us to have another child, he can make it happen. If God wants to join a sperm with one of my eggs, he will. I think that IVF is a decision that each family need to make for themselves. I am not saying that I think IVF is wrong for everyone, I am just saying that IVF is not for us. I do not want a scientist to be the one joining the sperm and the egg, I want that to be God's job. Secondly, I have a problem with the little embryos that are created prior to IVF. A friend of mine just went through her first IVF. She harvested 21 eggs. They fertilized them, and 11 fertilized. 10 made it to an embryo stage. So now they have 10 embryos, 10 babies in my opinion. So here is my issue. Now what? I could not freeze my babies, I could not destroy my babies, I could not implant all 10... so what do you do? This is another dilemma that I have with IVF. We really do not want multiples (though I would be over the moon with twins, Rich would freak!) and your chance of multiples is 20-30% with IVF. Another reason that IVF is not for us.

I want a baby. I want to have a belly! I want to feel the kicks. I want to feel the warmth of my 6 year old's hand on my belly feeling his sibling kick for the first time. I want a trip to the hospital. I want my water to break. I want to watch my children dote over their baby brother or sister. I want to see my husband with his face shining on his newborn. I want fuzzy soft blankets. I want to nurse. I want to be a stay at home mom. I want to have "an announcement to make". I want the joy. I want the joy. I want this feeling of inadequateness and failure and longing to go away. I want the victory. I want the miracle.

Big, Fat, Hairy, Ugly Cyst

That's what has grown on my left ovary. A Big, Fat, Hairy, Ugly Cyst. Grrrrrr!! So the doc put me on b/c pills (I don’t think I have eaten one of those since the one time when I was 17!!!). I have to take those for a week, then go back for another u/s a week from tomorrow. If things look good, I will start the FSH and we will move forward.

cd3

AF arrived on Saturday. I am feeling ok. I felt early on last cycle that it would be a bust, so the BFN didn’t surprise me much. I am slipping deeper and deeper into fear and realization that “this” is most likely not going to happen for us. The pain of that is almost to much to even approach, so I am hanging out here on the edge of reality. For us, there has always been “next cycle”, and soon, there will be no “next cycle”. I guess I have always found comfort in next time, and not really thought about what I will feel with no possibility of next time. The pain encroaching on my heart is… I can’t even find a word for it… I feel the end of this journey is very near for us, and I fear that it isn’t going to be happily ever after. I have always had my happily ever after. Always. It’s difficult to think of facing a life without completion. *Sigh* That may not even make sense.

I really do think that counseling for this would be good for me, however, I think that to truly be “counseled” I need a doctor/therapist that understands my faith. My faith has a lot to do with the disappointment of this not happening. There are many questions that I need to work through, like, why is God doing this to me. I think it may be difficult to find a Christian councilor that specializes in infertility.

The plan for now is a u/s tomorrow morning. They wanted me in there today, cd3, but there was no way I could get away from work. She said that they usually don’t like to wait until cd4, but to come in and they will see how many follies I am working on. I have no idea what that means. Maybe we won’t be able to even do injectables this cycle due to the late u/s. I’ll know more tomorrow. I have a vial and a half left of the medication. That should get me through this cycle. Once that is gone, perhaps that will be all she wrote… we’ll take it day by day.

BFN

I tested this morning, BFN, again. Waiting for the doc to call and confirm it. Words alone cannot express my frustration, dissapointment, pain, fear, lack of understanding, confustion... I am reminded of Greg Pratt's quote... "we don't have to understand it all, that's why it is called faith."

Sorry, Becky reminded me that not everyone knows the lingo... BFN is Big Fat Negative... no baby for us this month.

10dpiui

I am usually freaking out at this point, peeing on anything that resembles a HPT, crunching and comparing numbers, researching, etc. This is what I am doing today.

I am 10 days post IUI and feeling pretty relaxed. The RE's nurse called today with the progesterone numbers and I told her I didn't want to know numbers. I was proud of me!! She did say that "things look good." So, so far, so good. She also said that I will not start my period while on the progesterone, so I will have a beta on Friday. Other than that, nothing new to report.

I did work on my challenge and have pics to post, but for some reason this laptop won't load them. I will post themwhen I get home.